Officially not a child anymore

You've heard it here first. 
I am no longer a child, a teenager, a college student. 
I am a 23 year-old college graduate and there's no going back. 


A lot of people find it hard to believe. 
I dare say that I am one of those people. 
How did this happen? 


How am I so.. old?    
Ugh, 23.               (celebs who are 23: Adele, Aaron Carter, Blake Lively, Snookie, and Hilary Duff!)
I keep saying in my head that I'm 21. 


That ship has long sailed. 
I guess I now realize that we're all growing up. 
Life goes on. 


This isn't something new to me. 
I've known this for awhile now.. 
That life goes on and people get older. 


But I just never thought that I'd be this old. 
Maybe I would be like Peter Pan and never grow up. 
As a child I couldn't picture myself as an adult. 


I still can't. 
Maybe it's because I'm living with my parents. 
Working a part-time job. 


The work force scares the crap out of me. 
So does paying rent, buying groceries, being responsible. 
Seriously, kids have no idea how lucky they are. 


When we're young, all we care about is playing outside, 
video games, toys, friends, food, and homework. 
At least, that's what I liked when I was young. 


Haha, when I was young. 
I sound like I'm 60. 
Anyway, back to what I was saying.. 


Kids can be so care-free, have no worries or responsibilities. 
They just live and have fun and do whatever. 
And sometimes do homework, if they want to. 


But now, as an adult, it's kind of overwhelming. 
All of a sudden you have to do all of this stuff 
and pay all of these bills and BE AN ADULT. 


And I guess right now I just feel like I'm wandering. 
But according to J.R.R. Tolkein, 
"Not all who wander are lost." 


So that gives me hope, I guess. 
I'm not lost, I'm just confused about what I'm going to do with my life. 
Will I find a job that I love, or even just like and tolerate. 


Get my own apartment, decorate it, cook for myself. 
All things that adults do. 
I just can't believe I am one of them. 


Enough of that rambling.. 
In other news: 
1)
A member of my community was diagnosed with colon cancer not long ago and the prognosis is not good. When I delivered pizzas back in high school, I went to his house at least twice and week and he was always one of my favorite customers. He is such a nice man and has a wonderful family. 


Sometimes I wonder why these things happen to SUCH good people. I try to put my faith in God but it's just not fair. I'm not going to get into the whole religion thing, but this is one of things that always cross my mind. How am I supposed to believe in a God that lets things like this happen to people like Kenny, my aunt, my grandmother, and to millions of people around the world. But then I get these moments where I just know and feel there is a God. I find it all very confusing. 


I just ask that whoever reads this, please pray to whatever God you believe in, or just think about him if you don't believe at all. 


2) 
In sad but not has horribly sad as the above, my dearly beloved iPod, Filbert, has gone missing. I suspect he is gone forever and it saddens me, deeply. I loved that iPod and now it's gone. That is a picture of him, he was a deep purple and had almost 1,500 songs in his memory.  If you find him, you must let me know immediately. His last known location was in my pocket at Riverside Lutheran Bible Camp (ironic, with #1 and all - one of those moments I felt he was real). 


3) 
I'm going to be posting a list of random facts about me. Why? Because I can. I'm currently creating a list. Because I'm bored. 


4) 
I think I'm actually going to sit down and write something soon. Book/short-story related. Watch out for that. 

A day in my life... by time slot.

This is what my day consists of. Why, you ask? Because I have nothing else to talk about. 

8:00 AM - alarm goes off, Morgan picks up her phone and pushes snooze 

8:05 AM - alarm goes off again, along with the iPod dock's alarm. Morgan unplugs iPod dock and pushes snooze on phone again 

8:10 AM - alarm goes off again and Morgan turns it off, lays back down and stares at the ceiling fan. 

8:15 AM - roll out of bed and head to the bathroom to take care of needs. Sometimes I feel like the urge to pee gets me me out of bed faster than my alarm. 

8:25 AM - teeth brushed, business taken care of, my hair is put into a ponytail 

8:30 AM - pick up phone, look at Facebook and Twitter 

8:37 AM - get dressed in regular clothing, t-shirt and capris/shorts whatever the weather calls for 

8:40 AM - walk down stairs into kitchen and put toast in toaster and get myself a bowl of cereal and glass of chocolate milk (that's my breakfast every morning)

8:41 AM - put both butter and peanut butter on toast. Sit on stool in kitchen and turn on TV to TruTV and watch the Casey Anthony trial and make conversation with my mother. If I'm alone, I let two dogs out of their homes, let them outside and feed them 

9:00 AM - make my lunch and pack things to do at work. 

9:05 AM - multitasker- go to work. While at work, I sit and scan photos/type things while simultaneously (whoa.. multi-tasking!) watch tv shows/ movies 

9:35 AM - get to work, park and walk across the street to my place of employment 

12:30 PM - lunch break (one time I got pulled over by a cop, it was really unfortunate) 

4:30 PM - leave work 

5:00 PM - get home, make dinner 

5:30 PM - do nothing until I go to sleep 

11:30 PM - i usually go to sleep, depending on my mood and what I'm watching on TV 

do it all over again five days a week. Exciting life I lead. Sometimes, I will get together with friends, go to movies, out to dinner what not. 

Okay, here it is..

The day that we've all been waiting for.
Can you guess it?

Well, I guess it's not that day... YET. But still.
It's coming.
And super fast.

Graduation. From college. Holy crap.
I'm going to be a graduate. An alumnus. Forever an adult.
And it's so hard to believe.

I'm curious how the time went by so fast.
It feels just like yesterday I was packing up my things
and going to college, leaving home for the first time.

I was terrified.
Everyone has that fear that they're not going to make friends.
They're going to be alone.

Right away, I realized I wouldn't have the feeling.
The girls on my floor were the coolest people ever.
And my roommate was just like me.

I got so lucky.
Those girls are still some of my really good friends.
College wouldn't have been the same without them.

I can still picture our dinner table.
With 16 maximum at one of those small round tables.
With trays, no doubt. We had to learn to live without elbow room.

It was nice, finding friends that are just like you, yet completely different.
Each has their own personalities, but we're all alike in some ways.
Mostly, we're all just loud.

There are two people on this campus I can truly call my best friends.
They're like sisters to me and I don't know what I would do without them.
Seriously, I would be a completely different person without them in my life.

It might sound corny, but you do meet lifelong friends at college.
I know I have. I have the best friends anyone could ask for
and they're not going anywhere. They will always have a place in my heart.

Sure, high school friendship are still there, but it's not the same.
Bonding in college, over late-night study sessions and random adventures to Walmart,
You just can beat that. Those experiences stay with you forever.

No matter where I go in life, what I do, who I meet, these people that I met here..
The ones I truly call my friends,
Will stay with my the rest of my life.

I came into college completely lost.
I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life
And I was confused.

My major was "Undeclared" and I took the most random classes.
Everyone said, "Oh she's just exploring. She'll figure it out."
It took me awhile, but I did finally figure it all out.

I think it was the influence of my freshman year roommate.
She told all about this "Intro to Comm Arts" class she was taking.
I thought.. hey, what the heck. I'll take it to.

And I fell in love with it.
Sometimes I wonder if I should tried something more practical.
Computer Information Systems or Financing. Heck, even Organic Chem.

Some major that would get me a high paying job
and leave me secure for life.
But it would have bored me to tears.

I love writing and it's something I've been doing since I was a wee tot.
There was no way I was giving it up.
Just for a big paycheck.

They say you come to college to get a better job.
Make a better life for yourself.
Get the fancy degree.

All that is important, I'd agree.
But I think people should come to college to find themselves.
Find their passions.

Before I ventured to school, I was.. hmm what's the right word?
Well, I wasn't unique.
I was trying to fit in with everybody else. Be cool.

That's what high school is about.
Fitting it. Be like everyone else.
Be popular.

Everything's different in college.
Sure, there are cliques.
But it's cool to be different.

And that's what I found here, at Wartburg.
I found that I don't have to be like everyone else.
I don't have to conform to what others like.

I can be myself and people actually like me for it.
I can do things just for me and love it.
I found the real me here, the one I'd been searching for for a long time.

Sure, I'm going to miss this place.
And the people.
And the fountain.

Waking up to the smell of chocolate.
I can walk anywhere in under ten minutes.
People clean my bathroom.
Meals are prepared for me.
I can be walking across campus and say hi to ten people.
Laying on the ground and not worry about looks from others.
Feeding squirrels.
Chasing squirrels.
Midnight walks on the bike trail.
Breakfasts at Perkins.
Caramel Cocoas.
The Mensa, yes I said it.

But overall, I'm just going to miss the people.
My professors, my favorite staff members.
My roommates, my friends.
My best friends in the whole world.

I am going to miss this place.
No matter how much it cost me each year.
And that I'll be in debt until I'm 60.
I don't care.

I had the time of my life here.
This place has been home for me for four years.
It will forever be my alma mater.

The next time I write, I'll be a college graduate.
Wish me luck!
I hope I don't cry too much.

Driving down memory lane..

Recently I found a list of 80 tips to help you journal. I posted it on my Tumblr
http://mookiefaye.tumblr.com/ if you wanted to check it out.  I thought I'd tackle one today.

One that really stood out to me was: Describe your first car.
I really don't know why, it's not like my first car was amazing and super new. On the contrary.
When I'm a parent, my kid's first car is going to be like mine, a junker.

Earl was a 1989 Ford Mercury. He looked something like this, white with rust everywhere.

Yes, his name was Earl. I loved him. He had a personality, I know how he worked. He and I were a pair, like best friends. I could always rely on him. All my friends were having car trouble with their newer cars and I just kept thinking, "Ha! Earl runs just fine and he could be your car's grandpa." Well, it's true.

 A teenager's first car is extremely important to them.. They no longer have to rely on their parents for rides, a true taste of independence. I felt like that too. With your own car, you can go places... literally.

But I was never embarrassed by Earl because he was mine. I made him awesome. What I think is funny is that my parents and siblings even called him Earl. It just fit. He was a cranky old man. It was wonderful.

Earl even came with me to college! He only made it to freshman year though. My parents decided that I should sell him and they'd give me their old car (a 1998 Chevy Cavalier.. a huge step up). I'm not going to lie, I was sad. I knew that Earl had to go, but I didn't want him to. He'd been with me since I was 16 and now he was leaving to be with some stranger. Someone who might not love him like I did. Might not treat him as well. Could crash him the next day and he'd really be gone forever.

I originally put him up for sale and no one wanted him. I got no phone calls or anything. I thought to myself, "Yes! I can keep him!" As soon as I got my hopes up, someone called.

"Hi, I'm calling about the Mercury in the swap sheet. Is it still for sale?"
I wanted to yell into the phone "NO! HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM" but I didn't.
Four days later, the man came and picked Earl up and handed me $200. (I only got half, $100 went to my parents). I remember standing there on the street, watching a stranger pull away in my car. He turned the corner and then Earl was gone. Just like that. He'd been in my life for three years and poof. Gone. I think a tear might have slide down my cheek.

 We'd had some good times together.

Want to hear some Earl stories?

1) We ran over three of those orange traffic cones. It was late at night, I'd say around 11:00 and I had just gotten back from a track meet. I was tired and I just wanted to go home, plus I was one of the last people leaving the school. There were traffic cones all over the parking lot because they were doing construction. I didn't really notice them until they were stuck under Earl. I mean stuck, they were not moving at all. I thought my life was over and I was stranded in the school parking lot. A nice boy came over and helped me get them out. We became friends afterward. I never really thanked Earl for that.


2)I hit my own car. To clarify, I hit my new car with my old car (before I knew my new car would actually be my new car). I live on the end of a small town, with my driveway facing a side street. We park in the driveway and on the street next to it. Well, Earl was parked in the driveway and I wanted to go somewhere. My mom had parked her Chevy Cavalier (my new car) and I didn't really notice it. I put Earl in reverse and gunned it, slamming right into my mom's car with enough force to actually move it a few feet. Yeah, my dad wasn't happy about that. The dent is still there too. I laugh every time I see it. I reminisce and think about Earl. I miss the old fuddy duddy.

3) I often forgot to shut my lights off. I don't know what it was about Earl, but kept forgetting to shut his lights off. The little button was there, all I had to do was pull the button out but I just never did it. My dad got a lot of phone calls. Or I asked a lot of strangers to jump my car.
"Dad, I have a problem."
"Where are you this time?"

"Hi, excuse me, can I ask you a favor?"
"Sure" "No" "What it is?" (depending on the person)
"Can you jump me? My car is dead"

4) My right windshield wiper never really worked. It would only clean about a quarter of what is supposed to. So when it rained, I was screwed.

5) We got stuck in the snow a lot. He had no traction on his tires whatsoever and we got stuck. I live in Iowa, so winters just stunk hard core.

There was a lot of this happening. In college, I had to park in a gravel parking lot on a very little decline/incline (basically I had to back up while going up a veeerrry small incline, but Earl knew it and rebelled).  One week we had a brutal snow/ice storm. So much snow, everything was covered in ice. It was time for break and I walked out to the parking lot to find Earl. He's white, he blended it. I tried to back him out of his spot, but he couldn't get the friction under his tires to go. I put sand down, nothing. More sand. Nothing. I shoveled snow. Nothing. After an hour and a half of sand and shovel, I was freezing and I'm pretty sure I had hypothermia and frostbite in my fingers. But somehow, miraciously, it worked. Earl must have known that I was losing hope and feeling in my phalanges  so he decided to cooperate. FINALLY!

Also, another snow story. I got stuck making a U-turn. In order to park on my street at home, I usually turn down the street and turn around at the end (it's not an intersection, but it simply just turns on the next street, no cross traffic or anything. Like a dead end, but only with one road on the left). The roads were completely snow covered and I went to turn around and I literally got stuck, blocking the whole road. I couldn't back up after I hit the curb. I had to go get my dad and have him get me out because Earl was not moving for me. Go figure.

I forgot to mention all the things that were wrong with him:
1. the driver side window didn't roll down (of if you got it down, it didn't roll back up)
2. the air conditioning didn't work
3. the heating didn't work
4. I mentioned the windshield wiper. Yeah, the stunk
5. the door in the back didn't open (behind the passenger)
6. I had a CD player, but if I put a CD in, every time I'd hit a bump it would skip (in Iowa, roads have lots of bumps)
7. the trunk had a mind of its own. Self explanatory
8. he ate gas like it was his job

Despite all of his problems, I loved Earl. I'm glad I didn't have a nicer car. Giving kids a super nice car that young is just dumb. They're probably going to wreck it anyway (I did not get in one car accident or hit one deer, fyi).

I could go on about him, but I should probably do homework. That's my Earl. I miss him sometimes. He had such a personality. My car now does not. It's just.. a car. It barely has a name (I call it Charlie, but he's not really a Charlie like Earl was an Earl). It's just not the same. I wonder where Earl is now... I hope not in the junkyard.

Be Yourself.

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is my advice for the day, just be yourself. Several of you might know that one person

who follows everything you do, refusing to be their own person. 

I hate those people. 

I guess it's because I'm the type of person who is so dead set on being myself, being independent from other people that I refuse to change myself to fit with someone else. 

If you don't like me the way I am, whatever. Your freaking loss. 

But in every group of people there's always someone who just has to do what everyone else is doing. Who can't go anywhere alone. Who does everything you do. And that is SO annoying, especially if you're the person they follow all the time. 

You just want to take that person and shake them, yelling at them "JUST BE YOUR OWN PERSON!" but you're too polite to do that. Too passive-aggressive. 

There's nothing you can really do about this situation either. How do you make them stop being what everyone else wants them to be? I have no idea. 

I found this article on how to be yourself. 

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Your-Own-Person

Maybe you should introduce your follower to this article. 

Here's just an excerpt.

Everyone is different, the only problem is, people are so image-concerned that they pretend to be something they're not. It shouldn't be that way. People should be individuals, with their own thoughts and emotions, and they shouldn't fake it just to be accepted by their peers. You know better, I assume, or else you wouldn't be reading this. Outcasts, freaks, and nerds are the ones that will reach the farthest in the future, so forget childish desires of acceptance and just let go. If you've always felt different, like you never fit in, it's time to own it.

It sounds good right? I think so. People just need to grow up (grow a pair) and get their own lives. Just being honest.

Late night ramblings

It seems every time I blog, it's always around midnight. I have no reason for this. It's just because. 


I guess this is the time where I actually get to sit down and think about things. Contemplate life, if you will. 


I really don't contemplate life, it just sounds fun. I should really think about what I'm going to write before I actually write it, but that just sounds silly. Who does that? 


Obviously not me. Otherwise I wouldn't be rambling on like this. But as the title suggests, this is my late night rambling. 


So I guess I've been thinking a lot about what has happened in Japan. 


In case you haven't heard, I'll sum it up for you..

+

=

And it has killed thousands of people. Millions and millions of dollars in damage. They're on the verge of having a nuclear disaster. How f-ing scary is that? I'm sorry, but holy crap. 

It just get thinking (and I know this probably sounds selfish) but what if that happened here?! I know I'm basically safe from any tsunami/hurricane/ocean issues, but still. Everyone says that Japan will recover because it's such a well-developed country. So what? So what they're well-developed, that doesn't mean we shouldn't help them. 


People keep comparing it to Haiti, everyone gave a crap-ton of money/aid to them, but what have we done for Japan. 


Nothing. 


Well, not nothing exactly, but compared to Haiti? Yeah, basically nothing. Now I'm a hypocrite, because I don't donate money. But I can't. You have to have money to donate money. But I donate my prayers and my thoughts.


I just think this is some sort of sign for the people of Earth. Stop f-ing up the planet! If I were God, I would do this kind of stuff too. Oh my ME (GOD) people, I gave you this planet to live on now you're freaking screwing the whole thing up. Seriously, get your heads on straight or worse things are to come. 


So do I believe in the end of the world? Probably not in 2012, but yeah I do. I think if we keep treating Earth the way we are, stripping it of natural resources and killing trees and polluting the air and the water, then we will all die out eventually. Again, I'm a hypocrite because I drive a gas-guzzling car and I don't recycle sometimes, but I still have the common sense not to stupid stuff like liter or smoke or anything that can harm the Earth in an intentional way. 


All that bs about the world ending in 2012 is just dumb. So what the Mayan calender only goes until December something. Maybe this happened. 

You don't know, you weren't there!


Some guy was chiseling away at the calender and he's like "oh crap, I ran out of room." 


The other guy's like "pssh, don't worry about it. It'll all work out." 


Then when we all discover it, everyone's all freaked out. 


"OH MY GOD THE CALENDER ONLY GOES UNTIL DECEMBER 2012! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE" 


When in actuality, they just ran out of room on the stone tablet they were using. Problem solved. 

So I was thinking about something random, yet again. There was a tsunami right? So, what happened to the things in the ocean that the wave left on the coast? Like.. for instance:


Now these things live off the coast of Japan. Can you imagine this giant jellyfish on your door step?! What in the hell would you do? A) I'd freak because I'm terrified of jellyfish B) I'd make my husband/brother/nephew/some other man to take care of it. That's what they're there for right? :)


Anyway, that's all I'm thinking about right now. Oh and the future, but I've blogged enough about that. I'll probably talk more about that when the time comes (graduation). I'll probably get all sappy and thoughtful. Or many not. Whatever. 


You should check out my youtube page. http://www.youtube.com/user/MookieFaye?feature=mhum
I post random videos of my life. It's enjoyable. 


I'm off to bed now. Ta-Ta. 

Holy I've been gone forever Batman!

Shocking as it is, I am not dead.
I've just been... lazy I guess it the right word.
Or just forgetful. Whichever you choose.

It is currently 12:23 a.m. and I am still awake.
Why? I have no idea. I should be asleep.
I have things to do tomorrow.

But here's the thing.
I DON'T CARE!
This must be that thing.. what's it called?
Oh yes, senioritis.
I have it. Bad.

I seem to have given up on anything school related.
And I don't seem to mind.
Not one bit.

And the scary thing is I have no idea
About what I'm doing after college.
I have no job offers/applications.
I really don't know what's happening after May 29th.

There is a strong possibility that it could take
me back to Sumner, to my bedroom that
is still covered with high school memories.
Life is tenuous and doubtful.

Unpredictable and fragile.
Yet my thoughts of the future
are limited to next week's episode
of Glee.

This wasn't supposed to happen.
I already have worry lines at 22.
I think I found a gray hair on my head.
My brain is only thinking of things that I'm failing at.

Things that I have no control over.
Do you know how much it sucks,
Not having complete control over your life?

So I sit in computer chair,
downing Girl Scout cookies and
sipping chocolate milk
trying to think of solutions for this confusing life of mine.

So far, I've found that I lack the ambition to accomplish anything.
Nothing at all.
Excepting blogging about my misfortunes.
I always have time for that.

Look, senioritis was in Time Magazine
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1191831,00.html

And I just really like Get Fuzzy. It always makes me laugh.