I've been writing..

I wish my nails looked like that

Don't tell anyone. I'd like to keep it a secret.
Yeah, that's why I'm posting it on the Internet!
Secrets.. on the Internet.. that's ironic.
Or just stupid. Either way.

Yes, I've been writing this story that I thought of last summer.
It's been simmering in my head for a whole year
and it's driving me crazy.
I think the hardest part for me is organizing it.

I have so many ideas and thoughts and what not
that I can't actually sit down and write in order.                          
And trust me, its freakin' frustrating.

Well, I'll give you a little snippet of what I've written so far.

Chapter One - Return

I never imagined how much I missed the smell of fresh cut grass until I came back to town. Living in the big city, we didn't have lawns or dandelions, just concrete and crowded sidewalks. The smell wafted in through my open car window and brought back memories of hot summer days.

I didn't think I ever would come back, but here I was, driving down Main Street like I hadn't been gone for seven years. Trust me, seven years wasn't long enough. The town hadn't changed one bit. Two men were sitting outside the police station and deep in conversation. I would bet ten dollars they were talking about their crop yield and cattle conditions. That's what we talk about here in Iowa: farm stuff, the weather, and juicy gossip.

Growing up in a town this small wasn't easy. With less that 1,000 people, everyone knew everyone else's business. And that totally sucked. As a teenager, you couldn't get away with anything because someone always knew your parents. Or your grandparents. Or you siblings. It was ridiculous. Plus, there was nothing to do in this town but drink underage and vandalize buildings. I think it was like a right of passage, you couldn't graduate high school until you vandalized something. It seems just like yesterday, the one night that changed everything...

I shook my head and chased away the memories. I was in town for one reason and it wasn't a walk down memory lane. I navigated the car through the oh-so-busy downtown and towards the one place I didn't want to go. Home. Back to a place where I didn't belong.

The house appeared on the left hand side of the road, mocking me with its beauty. My parents had it painted a fresh coat of white and it was almost sparkling in the afternoon sunlight. The trees out front were bigger than I remembered and the tire swing was still there, gently swaying in the wind.

"Okay Andie, you can do this," I said to no one but the radio. "It's only a week. One week won't kill you." At least I hope it won't.


That's just a little intro to what I've been writing. Like I said, this has been living in my head for awhile now and I've finally decided to start writing it down. I think it's because I watched a Lifetime movie on J.K. Rowling the other night and it just inspired me to start. Of course, J.K. Rowling is an amazing storyteller and the way she overcame her situation is so inspiring. I'm in awe of the world that she created with just her imagination, a pen, and some paper. She didn't want to write to sell books and become famous, she wrote because she loves writing.

Okay, enough of my J.K.Rowling fangirl-ness. I could go on about my Joss Whedon fandom too, but I won't.  I'm going to continue to write just because I want to.

Happy 75th to me!

It's kind of a weird milestone to celebrate, but I'm doing it anyway.
This is my 75th blog post. Hurray!
I'm just in shock that I keep doing it, though it's not as regular as I would like.
I usually start blogs, then forget about them and never post again.
But not this one. This one is special.

To celebrate.. I guess.. I'm doing a blog about me, myself, and I.
Not like the other posts aren't about me.
But this one is just me.
I hope you feel you'll know me a little bit better after this one.

*Clears throat*
Hello there. My name is Morgan Faye and I am 23 years old. Nice to meet you.
Pull up a chair and be prepared to be amazed.
No, I don't do magic tricks. Stop asking.

     

25 Random Facts About Myself 

1. One thing that people seem to remember about me - I freaking hate pizza. I've been called a traitor to my country and un-American. Fun fact haters, pizza is Italian. And I'm German. So bite me :) 

2. I've never really known what color my eyes are. I was always jealous when I noticed someone's eyes and they were a distinct color, mine are not. When I was little, they were more blue, now they're more green/hazel. I know it sounds like something stupid to think about, but I can't help it. It bothers me.  

3. My favorite color is teal or turquoise, if you want to be fancy. It's actually the color of my car.  

4. I believe in ghosts. 100%. Don't judge me. 

5. I'm terrified of bugs and spiders. Either dead or alive.  

6. I love reading books. I'm addicted. I can't stop buying them and reading them. It's been my dream to write my own book. I will do it too. Damn it. 

7. Sleeping is one of my favorite things to do, despite the fact that I will always sacrifice it for a good book. Or in college, a night out with friends, studying for a test or doing homework or writing a paper or watching movies.. no one sleeps in college.  

8. I have one tattoo on my left foot. It says love in the shape of a heart. I love it. My friend says that they are addictive and at first I was like.. pssh no they're not. Nope, she was right. I want another one.  

9. My favorite season is fall. I don't really know why. Everything's dying. But it's just so.. fall. It just has this smell, the air is so crisp.. When I watch the leaves fall to the ground, it just feels like life is shedding it's imperfections, though there's nothing perfect about life. It just gives me that feeling. It's very refreshing.  

10. I have a very nasty habit. I bite my nails. I try so hard not to, but I can't help it. I've been doing it since I was a little kid.  

11. I'm super blind, hence the glasses. My lenses are so thick, it's ridiculous. Without them, I would just wonder around aimlessly.  

12. I love cleaning, but I'm also really messy. I know, it doesn't make sense. I just get these urges to clean things and so I do. But then it's usually messy the next day. I just can't win.  

13. I consider myself a movie buff. I've often spent rainy days curled up inside watching movies. I don't know how one becomes a movie critic, but sign me up for that. I'd do it in a heart beat.  

14. Seriously, I'm one of the most forgetful people ever. Just now, I put down my favorite pen, it's a Sharpie pen, and I was using it to right down my ideas. Now, I lost it. I forgot where I put it! I hate it when that happens. 

15. Deep down inside, I have a fear that I have no talent, despite what people tell me. They can preach to me all night and day but it won't do any good. Some days, I just feel.. blah.  

16. I'm a gamer. I <3 video games. When I was little, I would also sneak into my brother's room and play his Playstation. I'd play football, baseball, and Laura Kroft, Tomb Raider. I always felt bad when I had to shoot a wolf though. 

17. When I watch scary movies (which I do often), I'm more aware of my surroundings. I hear every noise, see every shadow. I think it's because I have a really active imagination, I can see these things that could happen to me, in my head.  

18. I'm really family oriented. I love every single one of my crazy family members, despite their drama filled lives. I wouldn't trade them in for anything.  

19. I love garage sales. Especially when I can buy good books for 25 cents.

20. I'm single and I'm not afraid of it. I know women who define themselves based on the men in their lives and it drives me crazy. You don't have to depend on a man to be happy. You don't have to have a boyfriend every minute of every day. I just wish they would open their eyes and see that they can be alone and not be lonely. 

21. I love technology as much as the next dude. But seriously, when people text in movie theatres, I go ballistic. Are you that freaking important?! Put the phone on silent for two hours, it won't kill you. Also, people who text constantly drive me crazy. Am I not interesting enough to hold your attention? That probably makes me sound like an old lady.  

22. One of the things I'll miss about college is going school shopping. I love buying office supplies. I don't know why, but I love buying pens, pencils, notebooks. It's addicting. I won't my own office so I can go buy supplies for it.  

23. I love the weather. Rain, wind, sleet, thunder, lightning, storms. Loooove so much. I'm going to go be a trained weather spotter when I finally settle down on a place to live. I really want to. 

24. I have serious road rage. I just can't help it, there are some really stupid drivers out there. Yesterday I had seven cars pull out in front of me throughout the day. Is my car invisible? It's bright teal for crying out loud! 

25. I like both Harry Potter AND Twilight. Whoa.

There they are, 25 random facts about myself. It should have been 75 but I'm not that interesting. 


That's it for this celebratory post. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll leave you with my favorite comic strip - Get Fuzzy. This is actually one of my favorites .. comic? strip? episode? I think you catch my drift.. 

Officially not a child anymore

You've heard it here first. 
I am no longer a child, a teenager, a college student. 
I am a 23 year-old college graduate and there's no going back. 


A lot of people find it hard to believe. 
I dare say that I am one of those people. 
How did this happen? 


How am I so.. old?    
Ugh, 23.               (celebs who are 23: Adele, Aaron Carter, Blake Lively, Snookie, and Hilary Duff!)
I keep saying in my head that I'm 21. 


That ship has long sailed. 
I guess I now realize that we're all growing up. 
Life goes on. 


This isn't something new to me. 
I've known this for awhile now.. 
That life goes on and people get older. 


But I just never thought that I'd be this old. 
Maybe I would be like Peter Pan and never grow up. 
As a child I couldn't picture myself as an adult. 


I still can't. 
Maybe it's because I'm living with my parents. 
Working a part-time job. 


The work force scares the crap out of me. 
So does paying rent, buying groceries, being responsible. 
Seriously, kids have no idea how lucky they are. 


When we're young, all we care about is playing outside, 
video games, toys, friends, food, and homework. 
At least, that's what I liked when I was young. 


Haha, when I was young. 
I sound like I'm 60. 
Anyway, back to what I was saying.. 


Kids can be so care-free, have no worries or responsibilities. 
They just live and have fun and do whatever. 
And sometimes do homework, if they want to. 


But now, as an adult, it's kind of overwhelming. 
All of a sudden you have to do all of this stuff 
and pay all of these bills and BE AN ADULT. 


And I guess right now I just feel like I'm wandering. 
But according to J.R.R. Tolkein, 
"Not all who wander are lost." 


So that gives me hope, I guess. 
I'm not lost, I'm just confused about what I'm going to do with my life. 
Will I find a job that I love, or even just like and tolerate. 


Get my own apartment, decorate it, cook for myself. 
All things that adults do. 
I just can't believe I am one of them. 


Enough of that rambling.. 
In other news: 
1)
A member of my community was diagnosed with colon cancer not long ago and the prognosis is not good. When I delivered pizzas back in high school, I went to his house at least twice and week and he was always one of my favorite customers. He is such a nice man and has a wonderful family. 


Sometimes I wonder why these things happen to SUCH good people. I try to put my faith in God but it's just not fair. I'm not going to get into the whole religion thing, but this is one of things that always cross my mind. How am I supposed to believe in a God that lets things like this happen to people like Kenny, my aunt, my grandmother, and to millions of people around the world. But then I get these moments where I just know and feel there is a God. I find it all very confusing. 


I just ask that whoever reads this, please pray to whatever God you believe in, or just think about him if you don't believe at all. 


2) 
In sad but not has horribly sad as the above, my dearly beloved iPod, Filbert, has gone missing. I suspect he is gone forever and it saddens me, deeply. I loved that iPod and now it's gone. That is a picture of him, he was a deep purple and had almost 1,500 songs in his memory.  If you find him, you must let me know immediately. His last known location was in my pocket at Riverside Lutheran Bible Camp (ironic, with #1 and all - one of those moments I felt he was real). 


3) 
I'm going to be posting a list of random facts about me. Why? Because I can. I'm currently creating a list. Because I'm bored. 


4) 
I think I'm actually going to sit down and write something soon. Book/short-story related. Watch out for that. 

A day in my life... by time slot.

This is what my day consists of. Why, you ask? Because I have nothing else to talk about. 

8:00 AM - alarm goes off, Morgan picks up her phone and pushes snooze 

8:05 AM - alarm goes off again, along with the iPod dock's alarm. Morgan unplugs iPod dock and pushes snooze on phone again 

8:10 AM - alarm goes off again and Morgan turns it off, lays back down and stares at the ceiling fan. 

8:15 AM - roll out of bed and head to the bathroom to take care of needs. Sometimes I feel like the urge to pee gets me me out of bed faster than my alarm. 

8:25 AM - teeth brushed, business taken care of, my hair is put into a ponytail 

8:30 AM - pick up phone, look at Facebook and Twitter 

8:37 AM - get dressed in regular clothing, t-shirt and capris/shorts whatever the weather calls for 

8:40 AM - walk down stairs into kitchen and put toast in toaster and get myself a bowl of cereal and glass of chocolate milk (that's my breakfast every morning)

8:41 AM - put both butter and peanut butter on toast. Sit on stool in kitchen and turn on TV to TruTV and watch the Casey Anthony trial and make conversation with my mother. If I'm alone, I let two dogs out of their homes, let them outside and feed them 

9:00 AM - make my lunch and pack things to do at work. 

9:05 AM - multitasker- go to work. While at work, I sit and scan photos/type things while simultaneously (whoa.. multi-tasking!) watch tv shows/ movies 

9:35 AM - get to work, park and walk across the street to my place of employment 

12:30 PM - lunch break (one time I got pulled over by a cop, it was really unfortunate) 

4:30 PM - leave work 

5:00 PM - get home, make dinner 

5:30 PM - do nothing until I go to sleep 

11:30 PM - i usually go to sleep, depending on my mood and what I'm watching on TV 

do it all over again five days a week. Exciting life I lead. Sometimes, I will get together with friends, go to movies, out to dinner what not. 

Okay, here it is..

The day that we've all been waiting for.
Can you guess it?

Well, I guess it's not that day... YET. But still.
It's coming.
And super fast.

Graduation. From college. Holy crap.
I'm going to be a graduate. An alumnus. Forever an adult.
And it's so hard to believe.

I'm curious how the time went by so fast.
It feels just like yesterday I was packing up my things
and going to college, leaving home for the first time.

I was terrified.
Everyone has that fear that they're not going to make friends.
They're going to be alone.

Right away, I realized I wouldn't have the feeling.
The girls on my floor were the coolest people ever.
And my roommate was just like me.

I got so lucky.
Those girls are still some of my really good friends.
College wouldn't have been the same without them.

I can still picture our dinner table.
With 16 maximum at one of those small round tables.
With trays, no doubt. We had to learn to live without elbow room.

It was nice, finding friends that are just like you, yet completely different.
Each has their own personalities, but we're all alike in some ways.
Mostly, we're all just loud.

There are two people on this campus I can truly call my best friends.
They're like sisters to me and I don't know what I would do without them.
Seriously, I would be a completely different person without them in my life.

It might sound corny, but you do meet lifelong friends at college.
I know I have. I have the best friends anyone could ask for
and they're not going anywhere. They will always have a place in my heart.

Sure, high school friendship are still there, but it's not the same.
Bonding in college, over late-night study sessions and random adventures to Walmart,
You just can beat that. Those experiences stay with you forever.

No matter where I go in life, what I do, who I meet, these people that I met here..
The ones I truly call my friends,
Will stay with my the rest of my life.

I came into college completely lost.
I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life
And I was confused.

My major was "Undeclared" and I took the most random classes.
Everyone said, "Oh she's just exploring. She'll figure it out."
It took me awhile, but I did finally figure it all out.

I think it was the influence of my freshman year roommate.
She told all about this "Intro to Comm Arts" class she was taking.
I thought.. hey, what the heck. I'll take it to.

And I fell in love with it.
Sometimes I wonder if I should tried something more practical.
Computer Information Systems or Financing. Heck, even Organic Chem.

Some major that would get me a high paying job
and leave me secure for life.
But it would have bored me to tears.

I love writing and it's something I've been doing since I was a wee tot.
There was no way I was giving it up.
Just for a big paycheck.

They say you come to college to get a better job.
Make a better life for yourself.
Get the fancy degree.

All that is important, I'd agree.
But I think people should come to college to find themselves.
Find their passions.

Before I ventured to school, I was.. hmm what's the right word?
Well, I wasn't unique.
I was trying to fit in with everybody else. Be cool.

That's what high school is about.
Fitting it. Be like everyone else.
Be popular.

Everything's different in college.
Sure, there are cliques.
But it's cool to be different.

And that's what I found here, at Wartburg.
I found that I don't have to be like everyone else.
I don't have to conform to what others like.

I can be myself and people actually like me for it.
I can do things just for me and love it.
I found the real me here, the one I'd been searching for for a long time.

Sure, I'm going to miss this place.
And the people.
And the fountain.

Waking up to the smell of chocolate.
I can walk anywhere in under ten minutes.
People clean my bathroom.
Meals are prepared for me.
I can be walking across campus and say hi to ten people.
Laying on the ground and not worry about looks from others.
Feeding squirrels.
Chasing squirrels.
Midnight walks on the bike trail.
Breakfasts at Perkins.
Caramel Cocoas.
The Mensa, yes I said it.

But overall, I'm just going to miss the people.
My professors, my favorite staff members.
My roommates, my friends.
My best friends in the whole world.

I am going to miss this place.
No matter how much it cost me each year.
And that I'll be in debt until I'm 60.
I don't care.

I had the time of my life here.
This place has been home for me for four years.
It will forever be my alma mater.

The next time I write, I'll be a college graduate.
Wish me luck!
I hope I don't cry too much.

Driving down memory lane..

Recently I found a list of 80 tips to help you journal. I posted it on my Tumblr
http://mookiefaye.tumblr.com/ if you wanted to check it out.  I thought I'd tackle one today.

One that really stood out to me was: Describe your first car.
I really don't know why, it's not like my first car was amazing and super new. On the contrary.
When I'm a parent, my kid's first car is going to be like mine, a junker.

Earl was a 1989 Ford Mercury. He looked something like this, white with rust everywhere.

Yes, his name was Earl. I loved him. He had a personality, I know how he worked. He and I were a pair, like best friends. I could always rely on him. All my friends were having car trouble with their newer cars and I just kept thinking, "Ha! Earl runs just fine and he could be your car's grandpa." Well, it's true.

 A teenager's first car is extremely important to them.. They no longer have to rely on their parents for rides, a true taste of independence. I felt like that too. With your own car, you can go places... literally.

But I was never embarrassed by Earl because he was mine. I made him awesome. What I think is funny is that my parents and siblings even called him Earl. It just fit. He was a cranky old man. It was wonderful.

Earl even came with me to college! He only made it to freshman year though. My parents decided that I should sell him and they'd give me their old car (a 1998 Chevy Cavalier.. a huge step up). I'm not going to lie, I was sad. I knew that Earl had to go, but I didn't want him to. He'd been with me since I was 16 and now he was leaving to be with some stranger. Someone who might not love him like I did. Might not treat him as well. Could crash him the next day and he'd really be gone forever.

I originally put him up for sale and no one wanted him. I got no phone calls or anything. I thought to myself, "Yes! I can keep him!" As soon as I got my hopes up, someone called.

"Hi, I'm calling about the Mercury in the swap sheet. Is it still for sale?"
I wanted to yell into the phone "NO! HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM" but I didn't.
Four days later, the man came and picked Earl up and handed me $200. (I only got half, $100 went to my parents). I remember standing there on the street, watching a stranger pull away in my car. He turned the corner and then Earl was gone. Just like that. He'd been in my life for three years and poof. Gone. I think a tear might have slide down my cheek.

 We'd had some good times together.

Want to hear some Earl stories?

1) We ran over three of those orange traffic cones. It was late at night, I'd say around 11:00 and I had just gotten back from a track meet. I was tired and I just wanted to go home, plus I was one of the last people leaving the school. There were traffic cones all over the parking lot because they were doing construction. I didn't really notice them until they were stuck under Earl. I mean stuck, they were not moving at all. I thought my life was over and I was stranded in the school parking lot. A nice boy came over and helped me get them out. We became friends afterward. I never really thanked Earl for that.


2)I hit my own car. To clarify, I hit my new car with my old car (before I knew my new car would actually be my new car). I live on the end of a small town, with my driveway facing a side street. We park in the driveway and on the street next to it. Well, Earl was parked in the driveway and I wanted to go somewhere. My mom had parked her Chevy Cavalier (my new car) and I didn't really notice it. I put Earl in reverse and gunned it, slamming right into my mom's car with enough force to actually move it a few feet. Yeah, my dad wasn't happy about that. The dent is still there too. I laugh every time I see it. I reminisce and think about Earl. I miss the old fuddy duddy.

3) I often forgot to shut my lights off. I don't know what it was about Earl, but kept forgetting to shut his lights off. The little button was there, all I had to do was pull the button out but I just never did it. My dad got a lot of phone calls. Or I asked a lot of strangers to jump my car.
"Dad, I have a problem."
"Where are you this time?"

"Hi, excuse me, can I ask you a favor?"
"Sure" "No" "What it is?" (depending on the person)
"Can you jump me? My car is dead"

4) My right windshield wiper never really worked. It would only clean about a quarter of what is supposed to. So when it rained, I was screwed.

5) We got stuck in the snow a lot. He had no traction on his tires whatsoever and we got stuck. I live in Iowa, so winters just stunk hard core.

There was a lot of this happening. In college, I had to park in a gravel parking lot on a very little decline/incline (basically I had to back up while going up a veeerrry small incline, but Earl knew it and rebelled).  One week we had a brutal snow/ice storm. So much snow, everything was covered in ice. It was time for break and I walked out to the parking lot to find Earl. He's white, he blended it. I tried to back him out of his spot, but he couldn't get the friction under his tires to go. I put sand down, nothing. More sand. Nothing. I shoveled snow. Nothing. After an hour and a half of sand and shovel, I was freezing and I'm pretty sure I had hypothermia and frostbite in my fingers. But somehow, miraciously, it worked. Earl must have known that I was losing hope and feeling in my phalanges  so he decided to cooperate. FINALLY!

Also, another snow story. I got stuck making a U-turn. In order to park on my street at home, I usually turn down the street and turn around at the end (it's not an intersection, but it simply just turns on the next street, no cross traffic or anything. Like a dead end, but only with one road on the left). The roads were completely snow covered and I went to turn around and I literally got stuck, blocking the whole road. I couldn't back up after I hit the curb. I had to go get my dad and have him get me out because Earl was not moving for me. Go figure.

I forgot to mention all the things that were wrong with him:
1. the driver side window didn't roll down (of if you got it down, it didn't roll back up)
2. the air conditioning didn't work
3. the heating didn't work
4. I mentioned the windshield wiper. Yeah, the stunk
5. the door in the back didn't open (behind the passenger)
6. I had a CD player, but if I put a CD in, every time I'd hit a bump it would skip (in Iowa, roads have lots of bumps)
7. the trunk had a mind of its own. Self explanatory
8. he ate gas like it was his job

Despite all of his problems, I loved Earl. I'm glad I didn't have a nicer car. Giving kids a super nice car that young is just dumb. They're probably going to wreck it anyway (I did not get in one car accident or hit one deer, fyi).

I could go on about him, but I should probably do homework. That's my Earl. I miss him sometimes. He had such a personality. My car now does not. It's just.. a car. It barely has a name (I call it Charlie, but he's not really a Charlie like Earl was an Earl). It's just not the same. I wonder where Earl is now... I hope not in the junkyard.

Be Yourself.

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is my advice for the day, just be yourself. Several of you might know that one person

who follows everything you do, refusing to be their own person. 

I hate those people. 

I guess it's because I'm the type of person who is so dead set on being myself, being independent from other people that I refuse to change myself to fit with someone else. 

If you don't like me the way I am, whatever. Your freaking loss. 

But in every group of people there's always someone who just has to do what everyone else is doing. Who can't go anywhere alone. Who does everything you do. And that is SO annoying, especially if you're the person they follow all the time. 

You just want to take that person and shake them, yelling at them "JUST BE YOUR OWN PERSON!" but you're too polite to do that. Too passive-aggressive. 

There's nothing you can really do about this situation either. How do you make them stop being what everyone else wants them to be? I have no idea. 

I found this article on how to be yourself. 

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Your-Own-Person

Maybe you should introduce your follower to this article. 

Here's just an excerpt.

Everyone is different, the only problem is, people are so image-concerned that they pretend to be something they're not. It shouldn't be that way. People should be individuals, with their own thoughts and emotions, and they shouldn't fake it just to be accepted by their peers. You know better, I assume, or else you wouldn't be reading this. Outcasts, freaks, and nerds are the ones that will reach the farthest in the future, so forget childish desires of acceptance and just let go. If you've always felt different, like you never fit in, it's time to own it.

It sounds good right? I think so. People just need to grow up (grow a pair) and get their own lives. Just being honest.