I just really like this poem

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

•Texting while driving is about 6 times more likely to result in an accident than driving while intoxicated

Iowa recently instated a "No Texting While Driving" law. Pssh, whatever.

Just like the whole speeding thing. That's not going to stop people. Sure as heck isn't stoping me.

I can't help it, people text me while I'm driving and I feel like I should text that back soon.

They might think I'm ignoring them. No one likes being ignored.

The thing is, they can't pull over for suspicion of texting. They pull you over for something stupid, like not stopping for 3 seconds at a stop sign. Then they give you a fine for texting too. It's like.. $1000. Ridiculous.

I'm still doing it. It's my little way of 'sticking it to the man.' Or more to just Chet Culver. Whichever.

My dad got a letter in the mail on Wednesday, from his little brother. Oh dear, what is it with this family and letters?

Okay, so there's a story behind this.

My aunt died when I was about 5. I remember being extremely sad because she was my favorite aunt. She died of liver cancer. She drank a lot.

Anyway, so awhile after her death, our family got into a fight. One of my cousins told me (keep in mind I'm a little kid and I have no idea what's going on) that someday I was going to grow up and be a whore. He was a lot older than I was and he was really mean to me.

My dad yelled at him. Who wouldn't? I mean really, who says that to a little kid?

Then my grandma yelled at him. Everyone got mad at my family because we yelled at my cousin. Keep in mind his mom had just died a few months ago. Still, he shouldn't have said what he said.

So there was a rift in my family for a long time. Shortly after the incident happened, my grandmother wrote a very nasty letter to my family about what happened. We no longer talked my grandparents or my uncle/cousins (the one that yelled at me).

We didn't talk to them for a long time. We never went to another Christmas, Thanksgiving, or birthday. Obviously, this caused a huge uproar with my other uncle (the one that wrote the letter in the beginning of the story) but he still talked to us.

Then my brother graduated from high school. That same uncle ^ wrote my brother a very nasty letter explaining why he wouldn't come to his graduation (I don't remember what it was about, something about his job - McDonalds - and my aunt was his manager.. idk). So we lost contact with that uncle. That's two uncles and my grandparents that we no longer talked to. That left one uncle (aunt, and cousins) and an aunt left in that family.

My family recently (well,within 7 years anyway) made up with my grandparents. It's weird, talking to them again. They missed a lot of my childhood, so it's hard to consider them my grandparents. I always told my friends I only had one set of grandparents, my mom's parents. The other, well we just didn't talk to them.

But now I had them back. I'm still not extremely comfortable with my grandma, but whatever. Life goes on.

We hadn't talked to my uncle since he wrote that letter.

So Wednesday my dad got a letter out of the blue.. apologizing to him. I was in shock. I haven't spoken to him in.. 9 years? All of a sudden, bam.. here's a letter. He said that his life has been really bad since my aunt died 17 years ago. He thinks it because he's not following God's plan. A pastor told him that good Christian's don't hold grudges, and that brothers aren't supposed to argue.

(side note: this uncle had done something bad to the only uncle I talk to, causing a rift between them too. So he had no brothers)

So he wrote a letter to each brother, apologizing to them.

My mom is for accepting his apology. My dad, not so much. That's the stubborn side in him.

I'm not sure how I feel.

What he said (I think) in that letter was mean. He had no right. And why now? It's been almost 10 years. He said that it would be nice to be a family again.

A) I haven't seen those cousins (and the ones that yelled at me all those years ago) for almost 15 years. I have no interest in getting to know them. I personally don't care about them. They're not my family, not really.

B) Whatever. I just don't care. It would be nice to be able to get together sometimes, but seriously. They haven't been apart of our lives for a long time. It would be weird to just let everything go and pretend it's all good again.

One of my biggest thoughts is that none of this would have happened if my aunt was still alive. Dawn Krueger was the coolest person I had ever met. She let me do whatever. We would all go camping and canoeing together. God, we had fun back then.

But then she died. And we never really got over it. When something is wrong, or you're feeling sad, the thing to do in this family is to ignore it. We don't talk about that kind of stuff. We're supposed to be tough, not talk about our feelings. All of us are like that. 

I'm trying to change, but it's hard. I've never told anyone how much it hurt to see my favorite aunt, the woman I looked up to, lie in that casket. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my 22 years of life. That's a hard thing to deal with for a 5 year old. 

I just wonder what life would be like if she hadn't have died. I'm sure we'd all still be talking. I would got to grow up with all of my cousins, not just a few..

Anyway... sorry about that. I didn't mean to tell the whole story, but I guess I did. It's all out there now. Whatever. 

Subject change:  

It's Sumner Days this weekend, whoopdi. Seriously, everyone makes a big deal out of it. It's really not that exciting. I just go for the food, to get a tan, and the fireworks. That's about it.

My roommate is coming up to spend Saturday at SD. That should make things better. She's never been to a "small town little festival" before. Well, this one is kind of boring. Oh well, we'll make a good time of it.

Anyway.. that's what's on my mind today. Family issues. And the law. And small town-ness.

Sorry for just laying everything out there, but I felt like writing it down. I type a whole lot faster than I can write too.

 

RIP Captain Phil

I started watching the Deadliest Catch it's first season. I remember flipping through channels looking for something to watch. I passed the Discovery Channel and I heard "I'm a cowboy. On a steal horse I ride.." and I had to watch what was gonig on because I loved that song. (I was going through a Bon Jovi phase.. don't judge)

The weird thing was that it was about crab fishing in Alaska. I have always had this odd fasination with Alaska, so I had to keep watching. And it was interesting. Watching these men do the most dangerous job in the world. It was so cool. My teenage brain looked for really hot guys, unfortunately not finding one. They're not the most handsome of men, but they worked hard and I really like all of the. One in particular was the captain of the Cornelia Marie, Phil Harris. I liked the way he was so honest and so aggressive. He was an amazing fisherman and he was a good captain. I could tell that just by watching two episodes.

Five years later and I'm still hooked (ha, get it? fishing.. hooked.. whatever). I got my parents and my sister watching it (along with Ghost Hunters, I just have awesome taste) and some of my friends too. Over the years, I really grew attached to those rough and rugged men on those crab boats in Alaska. I followed them on Twitter, read their blogs. I felt as if I knew them, you know? That probably sounds really lame, but it's true. I watched every new show. I couldn't afford to buy the seasons, but Discovery ran enough reruns that I probably watched each episode several times.

In January, I learned from CorneliaMarie.com that Phil Harris had a stroke. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. My favorite captain, the one who has concured health problems in the past, had experienced something extremely serious. I immediately called my mom and she worried right along with me.

I constantly checked the websites every day, looking for any sort of update on Phil's condition. Then that fateful day in February, I learned that Phil Harris had passed away. I couldn't believe it. I didn't cry. I called my mom again and she was shocked. Phil was getting better, how could this have happened? I told her I didn't know and that I was really sad too. I couldn't talk to loudly though, or cry, because I was in the library.

I got back to my room and immediately turned on the Discovery Channel. There at the bottom, scrolling along with screen, was the announcement that Phil Harris had passed away due to complications of a stroke. I couldn't believe it.

The past couple episodes of Deadliest Catch have been so sad. I don't think I've ever cried that much while watching a TV show before. We watched the crew of the Cornelia Marie discover Phil in his room, suffering from a stroke. We were there when was taken to the hospital, with Jake (his son) along with him. Josh (his oldest son) stayed on the boat. He thought that's what his father wanted. I seriously was bawling the whole time. I didn't know if I could keep watching this show right then, I was so sad. The worst part (until last night's episode) for me was when Josh had to inform the rest of the fleet of Phil's stroke. Those guys are all such good friends. It hit them hard. I've never seen Sig Hansen (captain of the Northwestern) show such emotion, throwing his walkie talkie thingy into his desk.

We were there when Phil had half of his skull removed to relieve pressure. We watched Jake fall apart, getting drunk and yelling at his brother. We watched Jonathan Hillstrand (c0-captain of the Time Bandit, my second fav boat) console his good friend's boys and talk sense into them. Last night's episode was so sad. We watched Jake admit himself into rehab. One of the saddest parts was when Phil told Josh he hadn't been a very good father. While I write this, I'm almost tearing up thinking about.

The episode ended with Phil's death. After the Catch with Mike Rowe (I happen to have a very large crush on that man) was dedicated to Phil. Keith, Sig, Andy, Jonathan, Jake, and Josh gathered around that table and just talked about Phil. I think that made me cry more than the Deadliest Catch episode. Listening to them share their stories of the man I've watched on TV for 5 years was awesome.

I know this kind of sounds lame and I'm sorry. But Deadliest Catch is my favorite show on TV (next to Glee anyway) and Phil Harris was my favorite captain on my favorite boat. I loved watching him captain the Cornelia Marie, loved watching him teach his boys how to be great fishermen, and men in general. I'm currently looking for Cornelia Marie t-shirts for me and my mom.

Next week's episode will be sad also. Watching the guys learn the news of Phil's death might actually be harder than watching Phil die. I'm glad we weren't there for that.

Watching other people cry makes me sad, and these guys are not cries. To see them break down might make me break down.

I'll need a box of tissues and something to cuddle next week.

Color has the ability to influence our feelings and emotions in a way that few other mediums can.

I love color. I love wearing fun colors (well, not pink). I love coloring, drawing, flowers, nature.. anything that involves color. But wait, colors have meaning? Whoa!
http://www.digitalskratch.com/color-psychology.php

I found this website just Googling around (hehe) and I found it to be quite interesting. You should read it. Just sayin'.

Currently I am at work, but technically I'm on a break. I'm eating my new favorite candy, Peanut Butter M&M's. I forgot how awesome these were. I like to separate them into colors, then eat them in their color groups. I also do that with Skittles, but that's more important because each color is a different flavor. My favorite is the red skittle. Mmm. Currently there are 6 groups of M&M's scattered on my desk. It adds a little bit of color to my otherwise boring desk.


I start with the color with the least in it. In this bag, it's yellow. Sadly there were only 3. Next is blue, with 4. Red has 5. Brown has 6. There's a tie for first, orange and green both have 8. If that happens, then I eat my least favorite color first. That would be orange. Green is the winner for this bag!

Anyway, that was random. Sorry about that. Today is an absolutely beautiful day. It's not too hot and it's not humid! It's the kind of weather I wish was year-round. Sadly, in Iowa, the weather is a little.. bi-polar, if you will. One day it's hot, the next it's cold. I have yet to put my sweatshirts away because I know Iowa. It's testy.

I have officially been 22 for a whole week now. I feel no different, I sometimes forget that I'm 22 and not 21. What's the difference? Nothing but a year.

My advice for the day?
Age is just a number. You're only as young (or old) as you feel. Don't worry about aging. Hey guess what, everyone does it! I'm glad I'm not the only one :)

I have no fun fact today

Surprise! I have no fun fact nor do I have a picture. Oh well.
That's mostly because I'm at work. That's right, guess who has a job!
Well, I sort of gave that away now didn't I?
Whatever.

I work for a professor of mine, sort of for the Archives too.
What do I do, you may ask.
Turns out I scan pictures into this computer I'm on.
I write down the name of the file, describe the picture, put a number on it, and put it back in it's file.
I have a whole file cabinent full of pictures to do. A thousand pictures, most likely.
It's a fun job, I get to look at fun pictures and learn about the past of a local radio station.
I like history, because I'm strange.
Also, I get to wander around the Archives, looking at old stuff while the pictures are scanning.
Or do my homework. Or Facebook. Or blog!

I got to thinking about today's world, and what the future will be like.
What will Archives look like in the future, looking back on my generation?
Will there be file cabinents full of old photos? Or old memory cards?
Some of the stuff in here is awesome, like old microphones and video cameras.
What are those going to look like?

All of this goes through my head as I check out the old things that Wartburg keeps in it's archives. It's so interesting!

That's what is inside my head today.
Oh, and that it's raining/storming and I love me some thunderstorms.
Oh and it's Friday! I have a birthday party tonight. My niece turned five yesterday and tonight she's having a magician, cotton candy, and balloon animals! I'm probably as excited as she is! Ha..
I like to think of it as a joint birthday party. Her birthday was yesterday, my brother's is tomorrow (19), and mine is on Monday (21). I'll be 22! Bah! My friend's birthday is today. Another friend's was Wednesday (16). Seriously, this is kind of ridiculous!

Anyway, I should go back to work :)

Senior Year reflection

The best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do.
-Andy Warhol.


Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I had gone to a different college. I wouldn't have the amazing friends that I have. I feel like I would be a completely different person.

I had a best friend all throughout school. We were inseparable, bffs if you will. Senior year came along and a decision was made. We were going to colleges 2 hours a part. It may not sound like much, but really it is. When we were so used to being together all the time, suddenly we were not anymore.

She went to a big state university, I went to a small private college. Initially I had wanted to go where she went, but decided that it wasn't the type of atmosphere I wanted. There, students are just a number. Where I am, I matter. My professors know me by name. It's small and I love it.

At first, we called, texted, but never visited. I never had a good weekend where I could come visit her and vice versa. Our breaks were different. My car was a piece of crap. We both had jobs.

Finally, I got a chance to visit her and stay for the weekend Freshman year. It was.. well.. sort of awkward. We didn't have the same friends anymore. We didn't really have anything to talk about. It was fun, but I really missed her.

I still miss her. I see her about once or twice a year. I haven't been back to see her since, and she hasn't visited me either, since Freshman year. It's really sad.

We're going to be seniors, then going off on our own paths to different places. The way we're going now, I might never see her again. I hope I do, I still consider her my best friend. But we're different people now.

I know I am. I'm not the same person I was when I was 18. I've grown up, matured, leveled out. I really got to know myself and I've learned a lot. If I had gone to her school with her, like I wanted to originally, I don't think I'd be this person.

I'd probably be an alcoholic, my grades would suck, I would not be me.

No matter how hard life gets here, I know I made the right choice. This is where I was supposed to be, right here. I have made friends that will last a lifetime. I got a fantastic education.

I just wish friendships would fade...

What's this? A connection?

Like I've said in previous entries, my parents have no internet. This is really unfortunate for an internet addict such as myself.

And on top of not having internet, they rearranged the living room and my wireless internet spot has been taken over by a giant entertainment center. Again, quite unfortunate.

So I was doing my accounting homework on the dining room table and my laptop suddenly got the internet! Huzzah!

This should probably be brief, who knows the connection could go away! That would be terrible. I can't help it I'm an Internet junkie. I love it.

I guess I really didn't have anything to talk about. So far I'm having a boring summer. I don't have a job because no one will hire me. So I go to class, come home and do some homework, and then do nothing. I don't have any money to do anything and I refuse to borrow from my parents. That leaves me with a boring social life. Everyone is so far away! Bah!

The funny thing is is that I'm practically laying on the table. The connection is on the other side, but only when my laptop is facing me. If I turn it around, it goes away. I've tried. So I have to lean all the other on the other side of the table and type. I'm basically falling asleep.

God I'm boring. I couldn't even find a fun picture, that's how lame and boring I am.

Don't interrupt my pity party. It's just getting started. But don't leave, I'll get you some punch first.