I know, this is not normal. Two posts right in a row. I don't know what it is about this week, but it makes me want to write. I mean, I'm not writing anything phenomenal, but I still enjoy just sitting at my computer and putting my thoughts into words. So many times I'm writing someone else's words, never my own. It's nice. I've forgotten what it feels like.
I wish I had anything to update or report. Well, I went to a One Direction concert Sunday night. Yes, I said One Direction. Yes, I'm 27. It's fine. It's normal. It was really fun. Except when it wasn't. There was a moment that I felt overwhelmed, anxious. It was hot, it was crowded, and I just felt like I was going down. I felt my heart beating out of control, felt it speed up and explode, and I didn't know what to do. I somehow calmed myself down without alerting anyone, and that made me think.
You can never tell what's going on inside someone. I had an anxiety attack in the middle of a One Direction concert and I bet on the outside I didn't break a smile. You just can't know what's going on in someone's brain. When I went into the hospital, people were shocked when they learned why. My boss said, "You're always so calm and in control. Also so laid back."
Most of the time I am. And I certainly don't let other people know when I'm not. I keep that inside, deal with it internally without making waves. People think people with anxiety and depression and things like that should look and act a certain way. But in reality, that is so not true. You can't tell what's going on in their heads. What looks like calm waters on the outside could be a monsoon of emotions and thoughts inside. That's the way I feel a lot. I have days where I'm so depressed that I don't want to talk to a single person. I want to lay in my bed, turn the lights off and just stare at the ceiling all day. But I don't tell anyone that and you fight those urges to brush everyone off. To isolate yourself.
I found that I've been having so many bad days lately, I forget what a good day feels like until I have one. Then I get suspicious because I'm having a good day. It's a vicious cycle.
Anyway, those were just my thoughts today. I found another amazing Facebook note, which I titled "100 Truths: I'm procrastinating in the library." What can I say, I'm very creative. Published in 2009. I was 21 and a sophomore in college.
1. last beverage→ Diet Pepsi, currently drinking it. A bottle of water
2. last phone call→ Mom, but she didn't answer me :( I call people all the time at work. But last personal call was from my Mom.
3. last text message→ Nicole Again, my mom.
4. last song you listened to→ A Ron Pope song.. Come to California Phenomenal - Eminem.
5. last time you cried→ I haven't cried in a long time.. About five minutes ago. Having a bad day.
SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. dated someone twice → nope Negative
2. been cheated on? nope Negative
3. kissed someone & regretted it? nope Affirmative
4. lost someone special?→ yes Yes
5. been depressed?→ yes Yes
6. been drunk and threw up? nope I can change this answer - I sure have. It wasn't pleasant.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Green Teal
2. Orange Blue
3.Blue Seafoam Green
THIS Semester HAVE YOU: None of these apply to because for me there is no semester.
1. Made new friends → yes!
2. Fallen out of love → nope.. or in love for that matter
3. Laughed until you cried → yes!
4. Met someone who changed you- I don't know yet
5. Found out who your true friends were → yes!!!!!!!!
6. Found out someone was talking about you→ I wouldn't be surprised if a person...*cough* was
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ noppers
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → I'd say about 8/9 of them
9. How many kids do you want to have→ I don't even know if I want kids... Zero.
10. Do you have any pets --> yes! my doggie. Personally, no, but my parents have a dog that I like.
11. Do you want to change your name→ I actually like it.. Its grown on my in the 20yrs I've had it
12. What did you do for your last birthday→ Ugh... I don't remember, it was a long time ago I went down to visit my friend from high school in Arkansas.
13. what time did you wake up today → 7:00AM 6:45 a.m.
14. What were you doing at midnight last night ---> homework/reading I was just closing down my computer and getting ready for bed.
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for → this summer! Friday, because I get to see 5 Seconds of Summer in concert. I am so pumped. Hoping for a good day.
16. Last time you saw your father→ Sunday Yesterday, which was Monday.
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I wish.. I had money That has not changed. I also wish I could feel normal.
18. What are you listening to right now → Ron Pope: Fireflies, and random chat in the library The sound of my fan and the faint sound of thunder outside.
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom--> yes! Today even! Um, I obviously must have but I can't remember. I've talked to a cat named Tom thought.
23. What's getting on your nerves right now? --> The guy to my right.. My arm, because it hurts.
24. Most visited webpage --> Sadly facebook.. I need a life I honestly don't know. I'm not on web pages much anymore for personal reasons, I just use apps. I'd have to say Facebook.
1. Whats your real name → Morgan Faye Bergmann
2. Nicknames→ Uh.. Maureen, Ahppy, Morgs, I mainly go by Ahppy and Ahpples now.
4. Zodiac sign → Cancer/Gemini.. Prince William and I were born on a day that can go either way.. I have characteristics of both If I believed in zodiac signs, then this would be the same. But I think they're a crock of shit.
5. Male or female or transgendered→ female
6. Elementary? Sumner Durant Elementary
7. Middle School → Sumner Jr. High School
8. High school → Sumner-Fredericksburg High School
10. Hair color → Brunette "Chocolate Brown" according to the box.
11. Long or short---> Found out that it's rather long today I think my hair might be the longest I've ever had it.
16. Height → 5'9-5'10
17. Do you have a crush on someone? Lol, maybe.. No.
18: What do you like about yourself? I like my sense of humor I like my sense of humor, the color of my eyes and the fact that I don't take shit from people. I've just had it up to here with people's bullshit and I'm over it.
19. Piercings → 3 Technically four. I have my ears pierced the traditional way (so 2) and then have to cartilage piercings in my left ear.
20. Tattoos → none yet! I have one tattoo on my left foot that I got senior year of college. I'm planning another, but I can't afford it
21. Righty or lefty → righty
FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → never had one Still never had one.
23. First piercing → ear lobes
24. First best friends → Ashlee Gloede
26. First sport you joined → I'm pretty sure it was either jr.high basketball or little league softball [but I quit that]
27. First pet --> JoJo, he was a great dog
28. First vacation→ I'm pretty sure it was to St. Louis, or to Field of Dreams [but that's not really a vacation]
29. First concert → 7Dust This concert was insane.
30. First crush –> Well, I'd prefer not to say :) My first real crush, not those kindergarten crushes, was a boy named Adam. He was so cute, and the new kid in like second or third grade. I had the biggest crush on him, and so did a friend of mine. I was not happy with that.
RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → Sour cream and onion chips Nothing, I'm lying in bed.
50. Drinking → Diet pepsi Again, nothing. In bed.
52. I'm about to - do homework Go to sleep. Or read a book.
53. Listening to → Cinnamon-Ron Pope This was already a question. I'm listening to my fan.
55. Waiting for → My foot to wake up so I can go print off an article The pain to go away and to feel normal again.
YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? maybe? THIS WAS ALREADY A QUESTION. NO.
59. Want to get married? yes Maybe someday.
60. Careers in mind? Something in the communication field, but what i don't really know Well, I've always wanted to write my own books, so I'm doing to do that someday.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
68. Lips or eyes → eyes Same.
69. Hugs or kisses → both Same.
70. Shorter or taller → taller Absolutely the same.
71. Older or Younger ---- older Same.
72. Romantic or spontaneous → both Romantic
73. Nice stomach or nice arms --arms, but looks aren't that important I still agree with this statement.
74. Sensitive or loud → um.... I like sensitive guys, but not too sensitive.
75. Hook-up or relationship → relationship Same.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant-- I like bad boys ;) haha A guy that likes to bend the rules a bit ;)
HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → not that I know of Not that I can remember.
79. Drank hard liquor --> what do you consider hard? Yes.
80. Lost glasses/contacts → Too many times to count All the time.
81. Sex on first date --> nope No, I'm not that kind of girl.
82. Broken someone's heart → I hope not I still hope not.
83. Had your own heart broken --> yes :( Yes.
85. Been arrested → nope! No
86. Turned someone down → I don't think so Yes.
87. Cried when someone died → yes Yes.
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? → nope No.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself --> Some days Sometimes.
90. Miracles →I try I still try.
91. Love at first sight —> nope No. I have very definite opinions about this, and they make me sound cynical, and maybe I am. But no.
92. Heaven → of course I hope so.
93. Santa Clause –> YES! :) I miss believing in Santa. That was a time when life was very simple.
95. Kiss on the first date? → nope Depends on the date.
96. Angels → yes I'm not sure. Jury's still out.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? --> Actually, I'm pretty good right now No, I'm okay by myself.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? --> No! I have not.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? sort of.. Kind of...
Oh yes, these pointless Facebook notes. We just wanted people to know more about us, we love to talk about ourselves. I have so many more of these. You don't even know.
Peace.
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