So much rage

I probably shouldn't even be blogging right now because of how I angry I am right now. Plus, I'm not even sure I can get all my emotions clearly written in this blog without going on a HUGE rant. But maybe I'll just go on one anyway. Of course, I might just end up pounding on the keyboard in my anger.

So, I'm a pretty family-oriented person. Or at least, I thought I was and I though my family knew that too.

We always go on a Memorial Day camping trip every year. Last year, my friend (who had just recently moved to Texas) came back to Iowa Memorial Day weekend and I wanted to spend time with her. Apparently that was the end of the world for my family. Heaven's sake I miss ONE camping trip. ONE! I've gone on every single camping trip before, but I wanted to spend my time with my friends ONE weekend and no, they have a fit. But I did it anyway and we all lived. Crazy thought.

Since then, apparently I have been "choosing my friends" over my family. But I have no proof of that whatsoever. I have barely seen my friends, since they all live at least two hours away. I seem them on random weekends when I have time. But that's apparently not spending enough time with my family, whom I see ALL THE TIME. I live literally in a two-block radius with my parents and my brother and his family, and I don't spend enough time with them. Yes, my sister lives about an hour away, but I see her more often than I see my friends.

That leads us to the coming weekend. I knew that my mom had to open up at her work this Memorial Day weekend. So, since she hates camping when she has to wake up at 2:30 in the morning, we weren't going camping. Plus, no one had told me ANYTHING, which isn't surprising. They always make last-minute plans and don't inform me before it actually happens and it drives me crazy. So I made plans with my best friend to go see her and a few other of my good friends down south for the weekend. Then, my mom tells me YESTERDAY that they're not going camping and maybe we should have a family day on Sunday. I said yes, that sounds like a great idea because it would be nice to have all of us get together and hang out on Sunday. I knew that I could be back on Sunday in the early afternoon in time for fun and games, so I didn't bother telling my parents about me leaving. I'm an adult, I'm going to be 25 so I don't need to tell my parents everything, despite what my mother thinks.

So...today, she comes over and gives me something I left at their house and I told her my plans. She got pissed at me. I mean, I've never fought with her this bad before. She left, in an angry cloud, and I just sat down on my couch and fumed. Then, the texting began. Can I tell you how much I hate it when people text me their angry thoughts instead of telling me to my face? I really do not like it.

We have this very long, very angry argument via text message. A lot of it was her yelling at me that I keep choosing my friends over my family and that I don't want to spend time with them. Oh my GOD can I tell you how mad I got. I went on a rant, texting her like four messages in a row how that wasn't true. I don't even know where she got that idea from. It was completely out of the blue. Yes, I love spending time with my friends, so sue me.

She said whenever my friend Nicole wants to see me, I jump at the chance. Well yeah, I barely get to see her. What's wrong with that? Whenever she has the chance, I would like to spend time with her. But apparently that's not a good thing.

I just got so mad, I'm still really mad. I am definitely pounding very hard on these keys and I feel sorry for my new computer. I just don't understand how she can think that about me.

"I see where your priorities are." "I guess you don't want to spend time with us." Just laying this huge guilt trip on me for wanting to spend time with my friends. WELL EXCUSE ME.

I feel like I'm being torn in two directions. I want to spend time with my friends, but I also want to spend time with my family. If I don't say yes to one, I feel terrible. They each make me feel super bad about saying no. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do.

I finally told my mom, "Unbeknownst to everyone I guess, I do enjoy spending time with my family as much as my friends. But you've made your opinion about me very clear and I appreciate that. I had planned on being there on Sunday because I was actually looking forward to it, but I guess you don't want me there. So, just count me out. Don't even worry about me. I just wish you wouldn't have assumed that about me, but I can't do anything about what you think about me. I'm too angry and upset to talk about this with you anymore. Maybe I'll be there on Sunday, maybe I won't."

Yeah, I'm not a happy camper right now. Well, blogging about it made me fee a little better. I'm just 25 (well, almost 25) years old, why can't I make my own decisions?