A secret

Even as I'm re-reading this, I'm tempted to delete it. Honestly? I'm afraid of what people will think of me. It might seem like I'm the kind of person who lets stuff just roll off my back. I usually am. But there are a few things about me I keep very close to the chest, afraid of what people will actually think about me once they find out what it is. This is one of them. But I think it's something that I need to get out. So, here it is. One of my close-kept secrets. 







Two in a row, talk about a record. 


Anyway, the reason why I'm writing this blog already is because of a very deep, personal thing that I feel like sharing today. I have never told anyone this before, but I saw on Sunday that someone had the same secret I do and I feel like if they can share, so can I. Sure, their secret is anonymous, but oh well.

No, I don't think I want children. But it doesn't make me any less of a person. Don't stare at me like I'm some freak, some anomaly to human nature. I'm not. I'm still the same person you knew two minutes ago. I just don't want kids. And it's nice to know that other people feel the same way I do. 

I'm too independent, too free-spirited. Those might sound like excuses but they're not. They are real, honest to God reasons. 

Can you imagine? Being someone's mother? Their parent? They rely on you for everything. Their life is, literally, in their hands. What if you screw it up? 

I've heard those stories as much as you have, on the news. Horrible, horrible parents who abuse, neglect, even murder their own children. Okay, I'm not going to do any of that, obviously, but still. Some people aren't meant to be parents. Those people, obviously. But there are some, like me, who don't feel like it was meant for them. 

I have thought about the passing on of my genes, my eye color, my sense of humor. Picking out baby names and watching as my child takes their first steps. I just can't picture it for myself. I just don't think it's in the cards for me. I just can't see myself as somebody's mother.  

Don't get me wrong, I think mothers are amazing, but I couldn't be responsible for raising another human being. I just.. couldn't. 

Maybe that will change whenever I start to feel like an actual adult. Who knows. 

I hope you won't treat me any differently now that you know of my deepest, most close-kept secrets. That PostSecret post helped me realize that I am not alone, the only one in the world with this feeling. That helps, I think. Makes me feel less.. lonely.