Mid-Life Crisis.. of sorts

For those of you that don't know, I am a journalism major. I've had that major going on two years now, I officially started it the end of my sophomore year (because they forced me to find a major). 


I feel like I'm one of those people that have hard time finding one specific thing I want to do with the rest of my life, you know? 


Recently I went through, as the title suggests, a mid-life crisis of sorts. Hopefully I'll live past the age of 44 so this won't be "mid-life" but you get my drift. 


I just woke up one morning and thought, "Ugh, I don't want to be a journalist." Seriously, I don't want to. I never really wanted to anyway, I just sort of did it because I had to do something. 


And now, here I am, a senior in college and I hate my major. Yeah, that's not good and I know that. Okay, I don't hate it. I just don't love it. I feel that college is supposed to help you figure out your life. Instead, mine just screwed me up. I don't know what I want anymore. Well, that's not true. 


It's been my dream since I was little to do something with books, whether it was to write them or edit them or whatever. I want to be a book publisher. I want to be able to be able to find those stories that stick out to me and help them reach people. "Touch people through the written word" if you will. 

But now, I'm just lost. I can't seem to find the path I'm supposed to be on. This man is me. I feel like I'm standing at an crossroads and I don't know which way to go. 


There are all these signs telling me to go this way, go that way. But where does it all lead? 


I want someone to sit me down and say "Morgan, now this is what you want to do with your life and this is how we're going to make it happen. Just sit back and let us do all the work." I would agree and be on my way to a life that I knew I would enjoy. 


Sadly, I know life does not work like that (no matter how much I wish it would). I can keep hoping and praying that it will all work out or I guess I could do something about it. But what, is my question. 
I just don't want to try something and fail at it. I hate failing, seriously. Yes, I understand we all do it, but still, it kind of sucks. 


I just don't want to fail and end up working a job I hate. I want to find myself. My management professor, Ewest, said that in order to be happy, you need to find a job that fits you, helps you develop as a person. Don't take it for the money, take it because you like it. 


I think I like this man. I need to talk to him some more. He's smart. 


No matter what, I know that I don't want to be in a place that isn't right for me. I'll look and try other jobs out, but I know when it's not right. You just know these things. You know when you're unhappy. 


I suppose that's enough of my late-night ramblings for one night. 

One thing I know for sure: I don't want to end up here, in the middle of nowhere. No one is around for miles. 


That would just get lonely. 


Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.  -Henry David Thoreau