life isn't always what you expect

Today marked the first official day of my break. I was going to spend it Christmas shopping, since its next week and all. Sadly.l, there was a change of plans. My Grandma almost died today. Yeah, scary stuff. She's still not awake from her coma but they are positive she will recover eventually.
I've never seen grown men like my dad and grandpa cry before. That was the worst part.
I was there for six or seven hours, just waiting. Finally my mom and I left because I was exhausted. I'm hoping and praying for my grandma.
In good news, I got my dream phone today - the LG mesmerize. I am in love!

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Mid-Life Crisis.. of sorts

For those of you that don't know, I am a journalism major. I've had that major going on two years now, I officially started it the end of my sophomore year (because they forced me to find a major). 


I feel like I'm one of those people that have hard time finding one specific thing I want to do with the rest of my life, you know? 


Recently I went through, as the title suggests, a mid-life crisis of sorts. Hopefully I'll live past the age of 44 so this won't be "mid-life" but you get my drift. 


I just woke up one morning and thought, "Ugh, I don't want to be a journalist." Seriously, I don't want to. I never really wanted to anyway, I just sort of did it because I had to do something. 


And now, here I am, a senior in college and I hate my major. Yeah, that's not good and I know that. Okay, I don't hate it. I just don't love it. I feel that college is supposed to help you figure out your life. Instead, mine just screwed me up. I don't know what I want anymore. Well, that's not true. 


It's been my dream since I was little to do something with books, whether it was to write them or edit them or whatever. I want to be a book publisher. I want to be able to be able to find those stories that stick out to me and help them reach people. "Touch people through the written word" if you will. 

But now, I'm just lost. I can't seem to find the path I'm supposed to be on. This man is me. I feel like I'm standing at an crossroads and I don't know which way to go. 


There are all these signs telling me to go this way, go that way. But where does it all lead? 


I want someone to sit me down and say "Morgan, now this is what you want to do with your life and this is how we're going to make it happen. Just sit back and let us do all the work." I would agree and be on my way to a life that I knew I would enjoy. 


Sadly, I know life does not work like that (no matter how much I wish it would). I can keep hoping and praying that it will all work out or I guess I could do something about it. But what, is my question. 
I just don't want to try something and fail at it. I hate failing, seriously. Yes, I understand we all do it, but still, it kind of sucks. 


I just don't want to fail and end up working a job I hate. I want to find myself. My management professor, Ewest, said that in order to be happy, you need to find a job that fits you, helps you develop as a person. Don't take it for the money, take it because you like it. 


I think I like this man. I need to talk to him some more. He's smart. 


No matter what, I know that I don't want to be in a place that isn't right for me. I'll look and try other jobs out, but I know when it's not right. You just know these things. You know when you're unhappy. 


I suppose that's enough of my late-night ramblings for one night. 

One thing I know for sure: I don't want to end up here, in the middle of nowhere. No one is around for miles. 


That would just get lonely. 


Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.  -Henry David Thoreau

The best years of your life

We are wild and young

We have just begun

So slow it down you move a little too fast

You take a deep breath, you make this last

These should be the best days of your life

So right, so right, tonight

I said we are wild and young

Oh, we are wild and young

Well, her free fall came a little out of the blue

What happened to the days of doing what we wanted to do?

I really, really like this song. A lot. 

I think it inspired me to write this because, well, 

because people my age are taking life way too seriously. 

So many have recently been getting engaged, married, 

thinking about children. 

We have our whole lives to do this! Why now? 

Can't we just take our time? 

What's the rush? 

I know people always say 

"Well, we don't live forever." 

Yeah, I know that. Thanks. 

But still, we do have a life 

so let's LIVE IT!   

A "friend" of mine got married this summer. 

Before we even started our senior year. 

Why? 

Because she's crazy. As is her "husband." 

So weird. 

But seriously.. why now? 

Don't you just want to live? We're young, let's act young! 

"We are wild and young." 

The guy in this song is like me. 

What is the point of settling down right now 

when we're just going to uproot ourselves 

and find jobs. 

Now, we can worry about just us 

instead of us plus one. 

We need to live like it's our last day, every day  

to its fullest. 

I'm just afraid that by settling down early

these people are missing out on some many things. 

We're in college! Let's experience it. 

                 I really like this quote: 

Not to sound corny or anything, but it's true. 

These people are missing out on some 

important rights of passage. 

It's college. Come on. Seriously? 

I'm on the Radio

For real, this girl right here is on the radio.
I have own radio show!
Every Monday, from 6:00-7:00 PM
If you want to listen, go http://www.kwar.org/
and click listen live. It's a hoot.
My friend and I talk about awesome things
and we're quite hilarious.

We talk about Justin Bieber a lot.
Mostly because he's hilariously awful.

That was all I had to say.

Nerd Convention

Okay, I know that might sound a little mean, but seriously. 
I'm sitting in a lounge, which is for STUDYING and these people.. 
only to be classified as strange, nerdlike, or annoying (pick one) congregate 
in the middle of this lounge. Where I am trying to do my homework. 


The way this one girl talks just drives me crazy. She sounds like she's permanently congested. 

Oh my dear lord, they're clucking like chickens. God help me. 

If I prayed, do you think they'd go away?

What I think is funny is that they were dissing Homecoming, while here I sit, with my 
Homecoming committee shirt on, representing the very thing they're making fun of. 
Oh wait! Now they're making fun of Minnesota accents. Awesome. What jerks.


There are five of them, four girls and one guy. The nasally girl, one in a hat 
(when it's 70 degrees outside) and way too bright of a sweater, the loner girl who doesn't talk, the ring leader, and the guy. 


Oh wait, they left so it's all good. I guess that mean I should get back to my homework. 
I missed most of their conversation because I was distracted by a person, who has very nice teeth. Seriously, I can't believe how nice his teeth are. That's the first thing I notice about him every time. Strange. 


He told me to stop being so mean. Sorry, but it's true. They are very annoying/strange people (the group, not nerds in general). Actually, to be quite honest, I'm sort of a nerd. But these people weren't nerd-like, just annoying. So happy Chris? I apologized. 


I suppose I should get back to my homework, since I got to rant about stupid people. 


Do you like how I go from serious blog to fun blog to whatever the hell I feel like it blog? yeah, me too. 

The Only Exception

Maybe I know, somewhere

Deep in my soul

That love never lasts

And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone

Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable, distance

And up until now

I had sworn to myself that I'm

Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

- Paramore, The Only Exception 

I know the above song lyric doesn't match the picture, 

but I really like both of them a lot. 

That lyric speaks more to me than the rest of the song 

since I have not found that "only exception" that hayley sings about. 

And the picture just makes sense to me, 

this man gave up everything he had for this one person, 

and he got shot down. He lost everything. 

Which is unfortunate. 

Do you ever feel that way, like you give everything up for one thing 

and then it falls through? 

I've put myself in this man's place many times. 

I've put myself out there, for everyone to see 

and just get disappointed. 

And the thing about life is that you have to keep doing this

over and over and over again. 

That's just the way it is. 

Sometimes I just wish things were different, you didn't have to be 

vulnerable 

and susceptible to others say and just live your own life. 

But that's impossible. 

If you've found a way to do that, then you should let me know. 

I'm always open to suggestions. 

I'm waiting for Prince Charming

I grew up just like every other little girl. I loved watching Disney movies and seeing those princesses get rescues by a handsome prince. At one glance, they were instantly in love and during the whole movie, the prince had to save his princess from evil.

I think Taylor Swift was on to something when she sang "White Horse".

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around.

Well, I've seen a lot of guys in my life and I haven't had that one moment where I just knew that he was the one like Cinderella and Snow White did. I have been waiting for the eye contact, the spark, the music. Waiting for my Prince Charming to show up on his white horse and sweep me off my feet.

I must be reading too many romance novels because deep down I still believe that there is a guy out there for me, just one, and someday I'll find him. In a quirky, romantic way like they do in all the books I read. But logically I know that Prince Charming is not real.

Sorry girls, it's true. He does not exist. I'm not trying to sound cynical, but then again maybe I am.. a little. We are all looking for the same thing: a handsome, funny, smart, sweet, sensitive (but not too sensitive) man that will burst into our lives and save us from whatever evil is happening to us, be it an evil landlord or a wicked co-worker. Someone who'll love us for what's on the inside as well as the outside, on our good days and when our hair looks flat, make-up or no make-up. That about covers it, right? Well, God ladies, that's sort of hard to find!
I'm looking for that guy too. We all are. But how many of them are there? That aren't taken? That aren't gay? Yeah, we're getting into low numbers here. So what, the man your with isn't perfect, none of us are. Well, I'm done waiting.


 I'm not a princess and life is not a fairy tale. We have to understand that Prince Charming is not real (neither is Edward Cullen or Jacob Black) and move on with our lives. I know I can't wait any longer for my knight in shining armor to win my heart with his smile.

I'm not some love advice columnist, trust me on this. I've had such little luck with guys that I can't tell you anything about love. But I know enough about life to tell you like it is. I'm not going to hold anything back just because it doesn't sound nice.
As women, we can do one of two things. A) Keep wishing on shooting stars and hope things will change or B) Make the changes yourself. I understand that some things are harder than others, but you just can't sit around in your ivory tower and wait. Open that door, defeat that dragon and live your life.
But I still wish on stars, just in case. It never hurts.. right?

(If you're a guy, I'm not hating on you. You may be Prince Charming. Hell if I know)

whoa..phone blog!

okay, so this is different! I'm on my phone, but it's not anything fancy like an iPhone or something. I'm kind of in shock. that explains the lack..sort of.. of capital letters. it takes to much effort.
I made a list of my favorite movies and wanted to

I dreamed a dream..

This is a picture of my typewriter, I took and edited the picture. I seriously love my typewriter. I love the smell of it, the look of it, the feel of it. I love the way the sunlight bounces off of it in the morning.

No, this is not a love poem about my typewriter. I bought it for $5 at an auction once.

Best money ever spent.

Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a writer.
I always had quite the imagination and I would just write down all of these stories into my diaries and journals. I had a LOT of those, let me tell you. I've been finding old diaries everywhere. I hoard them, sort of like a squirrel does with nuts.

I remember writing a story for my best friend in high school. I called it her soap opera. It was about her, her boyfriend, me, the guy I had a crush on, our other friend, and her crush. It was fantastic. It was funny, witty, and had a good plot. I just wish I could find it. I didn't have my computer back then, otherwise I know I would still have it. I never delete anything. God, that was amazing.

I used to write poems too. Except I lost most of those. One of my favorites was called "Clouds." I wrote it when I was 12 and I was in our big Astro Van, laying on the seat and looking out the window. I had always been in awe of clouds and that poem just sort of came to me. I remember it started out like this: "big and fluffy, high and small, black and mean, I like them all."
But that's all I can remember and it makes me mad.

Unfortunately, I lost my confidence over the years and now I just don't think I could make it was a writer. I've been out of practice for awhile, ever since I came to college, actually. This is supposed to be the place we pursue our dreams, and instead I gave up on mine. I wanted to major in English and Creative Writing, but that went out the window when I realized I actually wanted to make money.

I read so many books and I think to myself, I could do that. Seriously, I could. I've got talent, right? Then I put the book back down. I'm just some small town Iowa girl who comes from a lower middle class family. I can't do that.

Damn it.

See what I mean? I lose all faith in myself. Well, the other day I was coming home from work. It was a really nice day out, not humid, I'd sad around 80 degrees. The sun was shining, the wind was calm. There were a few puffs of clouds in the bright blue sky. Seriously, perfect.

I had my windows open when I heard the sound of a lawn mower. Then this weird dialogue came into my head, a little narration if you will. I wrote it down as soon as I got home. I didn't know what to make of it.

I never knew how much I missed the smell of fresh cut grass until I came back to town. As I drove by a familiar pink house, the smell wafted in through my open window and brought back memories of hot summer days.

 I didn't think I'd ever come back to this town, and yet here I am, driving down mainstreet like I hadn't been gone for fifteen years.

What the hell is that? I didn't know either. I pulled out my little book (ha, not THAT little black book. No one has those anymore, it's called a cellphone) and started writing more.

The town I grew up in hadn't changed much since I'd been gone. Two old men were sitting on a bench wearing overalls and trucker hats. I'm almost positive they were talking about their corn yield. The 99 cent movie theatre had expanded; it finally had two screens. I heard the library had burnt down and in it's place, the mayor had built a convenience store. How depressing was that?

It was still the same boring town I grew up in. Nothing for teenagers to do but drink underage and vandalize buildings. Been there, done that. What kid in town hadn't? Thinking about that brought up memories I did not want to visit. I sped through downtown and headed for the one place I didn't want to, my parents' house.

I actually rewrote this part about three times. I just don't understand why this came to me..
I wrote out a plot synopsis. I kept changing my mind mid sentence, so a lot of it doesn't really make any sense. I just wanted to get everything and anything down before I forgot. It went about seven thousand different places. But there is one thing I'm sure of.

My main character. Her name is Andie. She's the youngest of four children. Her three older siblings are all successful and have their own families, while Andie is still trying to figure out who she is and what she wants to do with her life. All of her life, she wanted to be a writer (this is not me, trust me on this one) and loved putting her thoughts into words. But in high school, Andie hung out with the wrong crowd. She was tired of never being good enough for her family and living in her siblings' shadows. She did what she could to stand out, even if that meant breaking the law. Her family stopped speaking to her. She went to a college as far away from them and that small town as she could. She never went back home after that. Andie considered herself an only child(something happened that caused this big riff). She put herself through college, getting a journalism degree. After college, she moved to a big city and lived in a crappy apartment. Jobs were hard to come by, so she pays rent by answering phones and tending a bar.. nothing to do with writing at all. She has no idea who she is or what she's going to do with her life. She secretly missed the small town life.. her big city dream is slowly going down the toilet.

I'm not sure where to go, though. Andie's mother, who is the glue that is holding the family together, gets really sick. All of her children go home to take care of her. There is a lot of animosity between the siblings and a lot of fighting goes on and a lot of lose ends get tied. That's all to be developed. I think once I start writing it, it'll all go better. But why would I write it? What's the point? There probably is no point. I'd just spend a lot of my time writing a story that no one will read. Oh well, right? Life goes on.

Maybe I'll just post it on here? No, that's probably not a good idea. Well, whatever. I'll let you know what's going on with that. I've gotten all of my characters figured out, I think. The plot needs work, and I'll probably write an outline shortly. I'm kind of excited. :-) It gives me something to do over the summer anyway. 

I just really like this poem

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

•Texting while driving is about 6 times more likely to result in an accident than driving while intoxicated

Iowa recently instated a "No Texting While Driving" law. Pssh, whatever.

Just like the whole speeding thing. That's not going to stop people. Sure as heck isn't stoping me.

I can't help it, people text me while I'm driving and I feel like I should text that back soon.

They might think I'm ignoring them. No one likes being ignored.

The thing is, they can't pull over for suspicion of texting. They pull you over for something stupid, like not stopping for 3 seconds at a stop sign. Then they give you a fine for texting too. It's like.. $1000. Ridiculous.

I'm still doing it. It's my little way of 'sticking it to the man.' Or more to just Chet Culver. Whichever.

My dad got a letter in the mail on Wednesday, from his little brother. Oh dear, what is it with this family and letters?

Okay, so there's a story behind this.

My aunt died when I was about 5. I remember being extremely sad because she was my favorite aunt. She died of liver cancer. She drank a lot.

Anyway, so awhile after her death, our family got into a fight. One of my cousins told me (keep in mind I'm a little kid and I have no idea what's going on) that someday I was going to grow up and be a whore. He was a lot older than I was and he was really mean to me.

My dad yelled at him. Who wouldn't? I mean really, who says that to a little kid?

Then my grandma yelled at him. Everyone got mad at my family because we yelled at my cousin. Keep in mind his mom had just died a few months ago. Still, he shouldn't have said what he said.

So there was a rift in my family for a long time. Shortly after the incident happened, my grandmother wrote a very nasty letter to my family about what happened. We no longer talked my grandparents or my uncle/cousins (the one that yelled at me).

We didn't talk to them for a long time. We never went to another Christmas, Thanksgiving, or birthday. Obviously, this caused a huge uproar with my other uncle (the one that wrote the letter in the beginning of the story) but he still talked to us.

Then my brother graduated from high school. That same uncle ^ wrote my brother a very nasty letter explaining why he wouldn't come to his graduation (I don't remember what it was about, something about his job - McDonalds - and my aunt was his manager.. idk). So we lost contact with that uncle. That's two uncles and my grandparents that we no longer talked to. That left one uncle (aunt, and cousins) and an aunt left in that family.

My family recently (well,within 7 years anyway) made up with my grandparents. It's weird, talking to them again. They missed a lot of my childhood, so it's hard to consider them my grandparents. I always told my friends I only had one set of grandparents, my mom's parents. The other, well we just didn't talk to them.

But now I had them back. I'm still not extremely comfortable with my grandma, but whatever. Life goes on.

We hadn't talked to my uncle since he wrote that letter.

So Wednesday my dad got a letter out of the blue.. apologizing to him. I was in shock. I haven't spoken to him in.. 9 years? All of a sudden, bam.. here's a letter. He said that his life has been really bad since my aunt died 17 years ago. He thinks it because he's not following God's plan. A pastor told him that good Christian's don't hold grudges, and that brothers aren't supposed to argue.

(side note: this uncle had done something bad to the only uncle I talk to, causing a rift between them too. So he had no brothers)

So he wrote a letter to each brother, apologizing to them.

My mom is for accepting his apology. My dad, not so much. That's the stubborn side in him.

I'm not sure how I feel.

What he said (I think) in that letter was mean. He had no right. And why now? It's been almost 10 years. He said that it would be nice to be a family again.

A) I haven't seen those cousins (and the ones that yelled at me all those years ago) for almost 15 years. I have no interest in getting to know them. I personally don't care about them. They're not my family, not really.

B) Whatever. I just don't care. It would be nice to be able to get together sometimes, but seriously. They haven't been apart of our lives for a long time. It would be weird to just let everything go and pretend it's all good again.

One of my biggest thoughts is that none of this would have happened if my aunt was still alive. Dawn Krueger was the coolest person I had ever met. She let me do whatever. We would all go camping and canoeing together. God, we had fun back then.

But then she died. And we never really got over it. When something is wrong, or you're feeling sad, the thing to do in this family is to ignore it. We don't talk about that kind of stuff. We're supposed to be tough, not talk about our feelings. All of us are like that. 

I'm trying to change, but it's hard. I've never told anyone how much it hurt to see my favorite aunt, the woman I looked up to, lie in that casket. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my 22 years of life. That's a hard thing to deal with for a 5 year old. 

I just wonder what life would be like if she hadn't have died. I'm sure we'd all still be talking. I would got to grow up with all of my cousins, not just a few..

Anyway... sorry about that. I didn't mean to tell the whole story, but I guess I did. It's all out there now. Whatever. 

Subject change:  

It's Sumner Days this weekend, whoopdi. Seriously, everyone makes a big deal out of it. It's really not that exciting. I just go for the food, to get a tan, and the fireworks. That's about it.

My roommate is coming up to spend Saturday at SD. That should make things better. She's never been to a "small town little festival" before. Well, this one is kind of boring. Oh well, we'll make a good time of it.

Anyway.. that's what's on my mind today. Family issues. And the law. And small town-ness.

Sorry for just laying everything out there, but I felt like writing it down. I type a whole lot faster than I can write too.

 

RIP Captain Phil

I started watching the Deadliest Catch it's first season. I remember flipping through channels looking for something to watch. I passed the Discovery Channel and I heard "I'm a cowboy. On a steal horse I ride.." and I had to watch what was gonig on because I loved that song. (I was going through a Bon Jovi phase.. don't judge)

The weird thing was that it was about crab fishing in Alaska. I have always had this odd fasination with Alaska, so I had to keep watching. And it was interesting. Watching these men do the most dangerous job in the world. It was so cool. My teenage brain looked for really hot guys, unfortunately not finding one. They're not the most handsome of men, but they worked hard and I really like all of the. One in particular was the captain of the Cornelia Marie, Phil Harris. I liked the way he was so honest and so aggressive. He was an amazing fisherman and he was a good captain. I could tell that just by watching two episodes.

Five years later and I'm still hooked (ha, get it? fishing.. hooked.. whatever). I got my parents and my sister watching it (along with Ghost Hunters, I just have awesome taste) and some of my friends too. Over the years, I really grew attached to those rough and rugged men on those crab boats in Alaska. I followed them on Twitter, read their blogs. I felt as if I knew them, you know? That probably sounds really lame, but it's true. I watched every new show. I couldn't afford to buy the seasons, but Discovery ran enough reruns that I probably watched each episode several times.

In January, I learned from CorneliaMarie.com that Phil Harris had a stroke. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. My favorite captain, the one who has concured health problems in the past, had experienced something extremely serious. I immediately called my mom and she worried right along with me.

I constantly checked the websites every day, looking for any sort of update on Phil's condition. Then that fateful day in February, I learned that Phil Harris had passed away. I couldn't believe it. I didn't cry. I called my mom again and she was shocked. Phil was getting better, how could this have happened? I told her I didn't know and that I was really sad too. I couldn't talk to loudly though, or cry, because I was in the library.

I got back to my room and immediately turned on the Discovery Channel. There at the bottom, scrolling along with screen, was the announcement that Phil Harris had passed away due to complications of a stroke. I couldn't believe it.

The past couple episodes of Deadliest Catch have been so sad. I don't think I've ever cried that much while watching a TV show before. We watched the crew of the Cornelia Marie discover Phil in his room, suffering from a stroke. We were there when was taken to the hospital, with Jake (his son) along with him. Josh (his oldest son) stayed on the boat. He thought that's what his father wanted. I seriously was bawling the whole time. I didn't know if I could keep watching this show right then, I was so sad. The worst part (until last night's episode) for me was when Josh had to inform the rest of the fleet of Phil's stroke. Those guys are all such good friends. It hit them hard. I've never seen Sig Hansen (captain of the Northwestern) show such emotion, throwing his walkie talkie thingy into his desk.

We were there when Phil had half of his skull removed to relieve pressure. We watched Jake fall apart, getting drunk and yelling at his brother. We watched Jonathan Hillstrand (c0-captain of the Time Bandit, my second fav boat) console his good friend's boys and talk sense into them. Last night's episode was so sad. We watched Jake admit himself into rehab. One of the saddest parts was when Phil told Josh he hadn't been a very good father. While I write this, I'm almost tearing up thinking about.

The episode ended with Phil's death. After the Catch with Mike Rowe (I happen to have a very large crush on that man) was dedicated to Phil. Keith, Sig, Andy, Jonathan, Jake, and Josh gathered around that table and just talked about Phil. I think that made me cry more than the Deadliest Catch episode. Listening to them share their stories of the man I've watched on TV for 5 years was awesome.

I know this kind of sounds lame and I'm sorry. But Deadliest Catch is my favorite show on TV (next to Glee anyway) and Phil Harris was my favorite captain on my favorite boat. I loved watching him captain the Cornelia Marie, loved watching him teach his boys how to be great fishermen, and men in general. I'm currently looking for Cornelia Marie t-shirts for me and my mom.

Next week's episode will be sad also. Watching the guys learn the news of Phil's death might actually be harder than watching Phil die. I'm glad we weren't there for that.

Watching other people cry makes me sad, and these guys are not cries. To see them break down might make me break down.

I'll need a box of tissues and something to cuddle next week.

Color has the ability to influence our feelings and emotions in a way that few other mediums can.

I love color. I love wearing fun colors (well, not pink). I love coloring, drawing, flowers, nature.. anything that involves color. But wait, colors have meaning? Whoa!
http://www.digitalskratch.com/color-psychology.php

I found this website just Googling around (hehe) and I found it to be quite interesting. You should read it. Just sayin'.

Currently I am at work, but technically I'm on a break. I'm eating my new favorite candy, Peanut Butter M&M's. I forgot how awesome these were. I like to separate them into colors, then eat them in their color groups. I also do that with Skittles, but that's more important because each color is a different flavor. My favorite is the red skittle. Mmm. Currently there are 6 groups of M&M's scattered on my desk. It adds a little bit of color to my otherwise boring desk.


I start with the color with the least in it. In this bag, it's yellow. Sadly there were only 3. Next is blue, with 4. Red has 5. Brown has 6. There's a tie for first, orange and green both have 8. If that happens, then I eat my least favorite color first. That would be orange. Green is the winner for this bag!

Anyway, that was random. Sorry about that. Today is an absolutely beautiful day. It's not too hot and it's not humid! It's the kind of weather I wish was year-round. Sadly, in Iowa, the weather is a little.. bi-polar, if you will. One day it's hot, the next it's cold. I have yet to put my sweatshirts away because I know Iowa. It's testy.

I have officially been 22 for a whole week now. I feel no different, I sometimes forget that I'm 22 and not 21. What's the difference? Nothing but a year.

My advice for the day?
Age is just a number. You're only as young (or old) as you feel. Don't worry about aging. Hey guess what, everyone does it! I'm glad I'm not the only one :)

I have no fun fact today

Surprise! I have no fun fact nor do I have a picture. Oh well.
That's mostly because I'm at work. That's right, guess who has a job!
Well, I sort of gave that away now didn't I?
Whatever.

I work for a professor of mine, sort of for the Archives too.
What do I do, you may ask.
Turns out I scan pictures into this computer I'm on.
I write down the name of the file, describe the picture, put a number on it, and put it back in it's file.
I have a whole file cabinent full of pictures to do. A thousand pictures, most likely.
It's a fun job, I get to look at fun pictures and learn about the past of a local radio station.
I like history, because I'm strange.
Also, I get to wander around the Archives, looking at old stuff while the pictures are scanning.
Or do my homework. Or Facebook. Or blog!

I got to thinking about today's world, and what the future will be like.
What will Archives look like in the future, looking back on my generation?
Will there be file cabinents full of old photos? Or old memory cards?
Some of the stuff in here is awesome, like old microphones and video cameras.
What are those going to look like?

All of this goes through my head as I check out the old things that Wartburg keeps in it's archives. It's so interesting!

That's what is inside my head today.
Oh, and that it's raining/storming and I love me some thunderstorms.
Oh and it's Friday! I have a birthday party tonight. My niece turned five yesterday and tonight she's having a magician, cotton candy, and balloon animals! I'm probably as excited as she is! Ha..
I like to think of it as a joint birthday party. Her birthday was yesterday, my brother's is tomorrow (19), and mine is on Monday (21). I'll be 22! Bah! My friend's birthday is today. Another friend's was Wednesday (16). Seriously, this is kind of ridiculous!

Anyway, I should go back to work :)

Senior Year reflection

The best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do.
-Andy Warhol.


Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I had gone to a different college. I wouldn't have the amazing friends that I have. I feel like I would be a completely different person.

I had a best friend all throughout school. We were inseparable, bffs if you will. Senior year came along and a decision was made. We were going to colleges 2 hours a part. It may not sound like much, but really it is. When we were so used to being together all the time, suddenly we were not anymore.

She went to a big state university, I went to a small private college. Initially I had wanted to go where she went, but decided that it wasn't the type of atmosphere I wanted. There, students are just a number. Where I am, I matter. My professors know me by name. It's small and I love it.

At first, we called, texted, but never visited. I never had a good weekend where I could come visit her and vice versa. Our breaks were different. My car was a piece of crap. We both had jobs.

Finally, I got a chance to visit her and stay for the weekend Freshman year. It was.. well.. sort of awkward. We didn't have the same friends anymore. We didn't really have anything to talk about. It was fun, but I really missed her.

I still miss her. I see her about once or twice a year. I haven't been back to see her since, and she hasn't visited me either, since Freshman year. It's really sad.

We're going to be seniors, then going off on our own paths to different places. The way we're going now, I might never see her again. I hope I do, I still consider her my best friend. But we're different people now.

I know I am. I'm not the same person I was when I was 18. I've grown up, matured, leveled out. I really got to know myself and I've learned a lot. If I had gone to her school with her, like I wanted to originally, I don't think I'd be this person.

I'd probably be an alcoholic, my grades would suck, I would not be me.

No matter how hard life gets here, I know I made the right choice. This is where I was supposed to be, right here. I have made friends that will last a lifetime. I got a fantastic education.

I just wish friendships would fade...

What's this? A connection?

Like I've said in previous entries, my parents have no internet. This is really unfortunate for an internet addict such as myself.

And on top of not having internet, they rearranged the living room and my wireless internet spot has been taken over by a giant entertainment center. Again, quite unfortunate.

So I was doing my accounting homework on the dining room table and my laptop suddenly got the internet! Huzzah!

This should probably be brief, who knows the connection could go away! That would be terrible. I can't help it I'm an Internet junkie. I love it.

I guess I really didn't have anything to talk about. So far I'm having a boring summer. I don't have a job because no one will hire me. So I go to class, come home and do some homework, and then do nothing. I don't have any money to do anything and I refuse to borrow from my parents. That leaves me with a boring social life. Everyone is so far away! Bah!

The funny thing is is that I'm practically laying on the table. The connection is on the other side, but only when my laptop is facing me. If I turn it around, it goes away. I've tried. So I have to lean all the other on the other side of the table and type. I'm basically falling asleep.

God I'm boring. I couldn't even find a fun picture, that's how lame and boring I am.

Don't interrupt my pity party. It's just getting started. But don't leave, I'll get you some punch first.

Distractions

It seems like it happens all the time to me. I walk into my room with the determination to do homework.

Yes, I'll get this and this and this done.

So I sit at my desk and pull out various notebooks and books, click some pens, and wait.

No ideas? Okay, well I'll pull up the internet. My homepage is Facebook.

He did what? Wait, who's she dating? Oh then someone pops up on chat.

Well, they wanted to talk so I must now hold a conversation.. that lasts for fifteen minutes. Facebook is usually a 20 minute distraction

Crap, I was doing my homework. I need music to keep me occupied. iTunes! Yes.

I plug in my iPod and look through some playlists. I'm not finding anything really, so I look at the iTunes store. 10 minutes later, I close out.. spending $5 on some new songs.

I did it again! Shoot, I have to do my homework!

I put the pen to paper and write a few sentences of meaningless garble. I click the pen, again and again.

Wait! I was supposed to get an email from my professor.

I pull up Google Chrome and check my email, which leads me to checking my Gmail, which leads me to checking Twitter. I don't know why though.

Someone tweeted me! Well I must now reply. And add another tweet. 10 minutes on Twitter,

Well that was fun.. My cursor is over the 'x' when wait, is that Ray William Johnson's new video?

Youtube! I click on my subscriptions and see how far behind I am in my videos. I should probably catch up and get these off my queue.

Thirty minutes later, I'm done. It's been almost an hour since I originally started my homework.

Look at that, it's time for dinner. They're waiting for me.

Dinner usually lasts an hour and a half.

Almost three hours later, I sit down again to do my homework.

My phone buzzes. A text? Nope, a call from my mom.

Twenty minutes later, I finally get my homework started.

Oh I have an idea, I should blog about this.

Homework done? Nope.

I still wonder how I'm on the Dean's List...

At least 25% of adults suffer from insomnia, but over 18 million prescriptions are written every year for sleeping pills

Insomnia has kicked in for me. It's officially 12:30 and I'm still awake.

This is quite unfortunate.

I just get these nights where I can't even begin to fall asleep

There's just too much going on in this brain of mine to actually fall asleep.

So much stuff to do, so little time.. you know?

But then there are some nights where I just sleep like a baby.

What is up with that? I need consistency. I need a routine!

I've looked up some ways to help cure insomnia.

I have to see if they actually work. I'm hoping, because I really do enjoy sleep.

http://www.well.com/~mick/insomnia/ I think this is someone else's blog.

I find it weird to blog about someone else's blog. What if they're wrong? Then I'm passing false information around the inter-web. It's a conundrum. (I just like that word).

So, this mick character gives a lot of suggestions. Some I'm like, well yeah. Duh.

But really..

"To help you sleep after a high stress day, lie down with a hot water bottle on your stomach, close your eyes and breath deeply, so the bottle rises and falls. We carry a lot of tension there and the weighted heat releases it."

I'm not doing that. Nope. That's just weird.

Another says "Sex Alone or with Another Person." Uh.. what? Of course, the link wouldn't work so I couldn't read what that was all about. Sex makes you tired, yes. But I'm not going to go sleep with someone just because I can't.. well.. sleep.

I found a more legit article. It's written by Laurie Pawlik -Kienlen from suite101.com

http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/getting_your_sleep

I think one of my biggest issues is that I drink a lot of caffeine throughout the day.

That doesn't really affect me at the time, but obviously it does at night. I'm wired right now, and I have to get up at 8:00.. eesh.

Also, it could be due to the fact that I slept in this morning, since my class was delayed an hour and a half. That should make that much a difference, right?

I find it hard to believe that only 25% of adults have "insomnia." What I find funny is that over 18 million prescriptions are written a year for sleeping pills. That 25% are real pill poppers..

Sleep is important. I'm pretty sure without it, we'd die. I know I'd be extremely crabby. No one wants that. To spare those poor souls I have to see tomorrow, I must get some sleep since it is now 12:49 and it's getting later by the second.

Okay, yeah that was a bad joke. I know this.

Want to hear another one?

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Yeah, it took me a minute too.